So, before the day ends, let me give you the TRUE story of the American War for Independence. Scene; Buckingham palace, England. Lord 1; Your Highness, we must get rid of the American Colonies. They have limited resources, are impossible to keep under sovereign control, and our attempts to educate them to the proper pronunciation and spelling of the English language has all but failed. His Highness, King George the 3rd; Agreed, but how can we do this? England has lost so much of what we once called our own. The sun never sets on the British empire, cant say that anymore! Lord 2; True! We would have to make it look like we were reluctant to loose the colonies. Like we really wanted to keep it. The King; Yes, but how? We cant just leave, it would be too obvious. Lord 1; We could start a war. The King; A war? Lord 1; Well, wed call it a war. Really wed just fight a bit and then like Oh no, you won! Oh dear. The King; So how do we start a war? Lord 2: We could start oppressing them. Lord 1; Yes! With taxes and stuff! Lord 2; But taxes on silly things like tea, stamps and windows! The King; That would annoy anyone. But how do we make sure they win? Lord 1; Good point. Its not like they have Hundreds of years glorious tradition of beating all their enemies, to the point of conquering most of the known world, having defeated native hordes, the French, the Germans, the Spanish, the Boers, and pretty much everyone else. Theyre just new to this game. Lord 2; I have an Idea! The Kind; Lets hear it! Lord 2; It may sound silly.... Lord 1; Go on. Lord 2; Well, we dress our troops in bright red uniforms. Lord 1; With bright white belt criss-crossing the front! The King; And bright brass buttons! Lord 2; And we get them to stand in a long straight line! Lord 1; And wear those tall black hats we kept from last years Christmas party! The King; Well, that all sounds perfect. So how do we start it all? Lord 2; Ive got a friend, Paul, I could get him to run down the road in the middle of the night shouting The British are coming, the British are coming!, like its a bad thing. That would wake them up and make them really cross. The King; Excellent.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 12:20:19 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015