So many things change once you bury a child. Life becomes a roller coaster and like it or not you are strapped in for the ride. People look at you with that look. Its hard to describe; sort of a mix of pity and guilt. Pity because I buried my daughter and guilt that their child is healthy. I have seen that look so many times in the past 17 months. Happy occasions are not entirely happy. They are tinged with the fact that someone is missing, a hint of sadness that Tessa isnt present to also enjoy the occasion. Tears remain close to the surface a midst the smiles and laughter. Any parent of more than one child knows they are not supposed to have favorites. Any parent of more than one child knows there is always enough love to go around. With your first child you tell yourself there is no way you can love another child as much. Then you have another child and you find your love renewed once more. And so on and so on. After you bury a child, for me anyway, things become increasingly difficult. I find myself both delightfully happy and incredibly sad at the same time. Trying to enjoy the accomplishments of both Maggie and John-Robert while at the same time having that subtle realization that Tessa will never have the opportunity. I try so hard NOT to dwell on what Tessa will never do rather cling to the moments she did have. 14 years on this earth making friends, enjoying life. 14 years to grow and learn, to live and love. Tessa was SO FULL of personality! Ask anyone who ever met her and they would say she was hard to forget. Tessa was strong and bubbly, Intelligent and kind, stubborn and loving. God had a plan for Tessas life. We were blessed to enjoy her for 14 years. I am so thankful that her time dealing with cancer was short. I read about kids almost daily who have struggled for months, years sometimes. Our family is one of 7 families who are trying to win an all inclusive family vacation. The deadline to vote for our family is september 11. We have been talking about vacations and where we would possibly go yet in the conversations we never exclude Tessa. In fact, if we do win, we surely will be taking Tessa with us-as she always is with us. I realize my words are scattered today ,, yet I hope you got some meaning out of them. If nothing else remember to Hug em, Love em and Pray for em because there are no guarantees for anyone of us. If you wish to vote go to TripFix LLC. The directions for voting and the link is on that page. God BLess yall Tessas Troopers and thank you.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 13:50:39 +0000
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