So, something ridiculous happened in the comment section of my blog. I blog for Mothering Magazine, and I reposted my Love Letter to my Midwife, where I thanked my midwife for being so awesome during my homebirth. (Those of you who are familiar with my first birth experience know that it was a hospital birth that I did not enjoy and found very disempowering.) The whole letter was just a thank-you to my midwife. She was amazing throughout my whole pregnancy and birth, and I was so moved by what she did for us. The letter was not a critique of hospitals-- though I certainly have written about the epidemic of non-baby-friendly hospitals in the US (and other countries), our unhealthy rate of unnecessary c-sections and other birth interventions, our lack of evidence-based care, and our unreasonably high infant/mother mortality rate. But in this particular letter, the only things I wrote about hospital births were these: Thank you for coming to my home and running through some of the “what-if” scenarios with me and my husband. This is the path to obtaining fully informed consent. This is starkly different from MY hospital experience. And: Thank you for doing the newborn exam in my bedroom, after we had time to bond. This is common sense for a homebirth, but, again, so very different from MY hospital experience. As you can see, I talked briefly about MY hospital experience. Mine. No one elses. And yet, I received these two comments: I am truly sick of propaganda like yours. Making all hospital experiences sound “anti-woman” is pathetic. To promote your own interest, you need not denigrate others. I had a beautiful birth with an epidural and a great ob/gyn…believe it or not…yes it’s true… In a hospital! My baby’s arrival into this world was no less meaningful and joyous to me because I have birth in a safer setting. Get off your soapbox please and let the rest of us breathe. And: I agree that women like you are ridiculous. You make yourself look good, you make other girls feel bad. Shame on you. Uhh... What? What the what? Can we just, like, not do this anymore? Can we just stop with the irrational hyper-defensiveness? Can we stop with the complete and total fabrication of insult? Can we stop pretending that saying I loved my homebirth is code for All hospital births are terrible? Can we please stop with the ridiculous hyperbole? There ARE risks with hospital birth. There are risks with homebirth too-- the entire objective is to be certain that women are fully informed about all of their options. Same with breastfeeding, formula, cosleeping, cry-it-out, babywearing, car seats, etc. etc. Parents deserve to be FULLY INFORMED about each of these issues. Ultimately, whether you choose hospital or home, breast or bottle, what matters most is that you have all the facts. Thus, information about these topics will be shared. When we share this information (buckle up because this may be hard to fathom) ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. If someone actually, literally, worddd-for-word says to you You are a bad mom for using formula or All hospital births are bad, please send them my way! Ill give them a good verbal lashing. Ill let them know that their statements are ignorant, not evidence-based, hurtful, and divisive. But until then, kindly back off and get over yourselves. I know it must be really validating and self-important to pretend that youre constantly being victimized and attacked, but please consider finding something more positive to do with your time. Obsessively thinking that everyone who does things differently than you is judging you is unhealthy.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 04:35:00 +0000
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