So tired and up late again. I have been working so hard to help others I forgot to look after myself. I abandoned my wife to assist others and yet she is my greatest gift. Driven by a hundred forms of fear after being laid up for 2 years, my loyal wife forever by my side, I arose from the pit of death and sought life with a vengeance. My near death experiences, research, knowledge and need to help others drove me to near sleep deprived psychosis, I returned to Stuart in I just wanted to be loved forgetting all that had been. Tonight with the help of a true friend who loved me enough to tell me the truth as several others have, the mind clicked. In the urgency to save others, establish my foundation and carry a message of hope to other cancer patients I forget that I am still fighting the world champion who has reigned for many years. I need all my energy to defeat the undefeated champion but in order to do so I need rest to allow my body to heal. I get re-scanned on the 7th August, I have results and follow up with Oncologist on the 10th August and then on the 18th August I do battle once more with my Interlukin 2 weaponry and boosted immune that will take me to the door of death. I need rest, I need to love my wife, I need to switch off and remember without ME there is nothing, I cannot carry a message or be an inspiration and all my work will be in vain. I cry tears I am so tired, I yearn the love of my wife but struggle conveying this as I feel I have let her down AND I NEED THE HELP OF YOU, to allow my body to recover and carry my weight for a while. You know my objectives, you have shared in my knowledge and my personal belief is that natural is better than CHEMO and RADIOTHERAPY and proof is available to show the results. I am tired, I hurt, my body is weary and I need to look after me. Sometimes we give so much of ourselves our own light begins to flicker and the darkness creeps in. Thanks for sharing my journey, for holding my hand and for giving me purpose. The fight is back on, I am going to rest, I am going to love my wife and get back to basics recalling the love I express for Tracey Howarth MY WIFE of which I am not demonstrating through my actions. I DO NOT WANT TO DIE, I WILL LIVE AND CONQUER THE EVIL THAT IS CANCER, but help me, carry me for a while that I may grow strong and prepared the difficult journey ahead. TERMINAL - NO CHANCE, I will never tap out, I may have cancer BUT IT WILL NEVER EVER HAVE ME. Sorry, I bow my head, remain humble and give thanks for the support and kind words - Stuart x
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 02:14:38 +0000
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