So true...and on that NOTE....to everyone FAMILY, FRIENDS, AQUAINTANCES who dont realize my SON is a little boy, you can for real kick rocks. Hes not perfect, but hes MINE. I love him and he means the whole world to me. He has issues and battles he fights everyday, but he is NOT BAD!!!! He is crazy, he is rambunctious, silly and sometimes he says embarassingly rude things and does things that make me wonder wholeheartedly what I have, but at the end of the day he is a PERSON, with a heart...and he is allowed to be frusterated, and he is ALLOWED to make mistakes, and he is allowed to be him!!! I never want to take the wonder out of my boy, I never want to take the smile from his face when it isnt necessary. There is a fine line, and he is crossing that line on a daily basis, I realize. He has LOTS of people that care about him, and sometimes those people dont show that 100% of the time. There is a fine line between teaching & educating him and yourselves, and just berating everything he does. He does BAD things, this does NOT make him a bad boy. He has done RUDE things, this doesnt make him a rude person. I dont say any of this to hurt peoples feelings, or because we or HE loves them any less, I just want them to understand. IF anyone knows the struggles with my baby, I DO...believe that. I go through it on a daily basis. I promise you I realize what a challenge he is, and appreciate anyone who goes through the challenges with me..friends, family...I am so happy for them being there for us. BUT, PLEASE REMEMBER The goal? – is to help Jayden learn to control his symptoms of ADHD by channeling them into productive skills while refusing to sacrifice his amazing personality. Honestly, anyone who knows the kid, KNOWS how amazing his personality is!!!! Because my baby struggles with impulsivity and insatiability, HIS behavior is unpredictable at best. Words and actions come forth in moments of frustration, he genuinely means no one harm, nor himself. The harder he tries to keep it all together--because inside he does truly want to be good, to be liked, to be loved, to be accepted--the more frustrating it becomes when his words and actions impede his success. It kills me when he asks me why some people HATE him. It crushes my heart when he says he hates himself!!!!!!! I have cried to myself, to my husband, to friends, family....but mostly to myself. I dont want my baby to doubt his worth, question his level of competence, be so frusterated that he wants to shut the world out...and he has been there, trust me. He has been there. But him and I are there together..forever...I promise, because I am in this for the long haul, and writing this has empowered me to educate myself on making each day ONE small step towards building an amazing childhood & existence for him!!! Why do some people think kids with ADHD are bad? ADHD kids aren’t bad, they just act impulsively. This means they act without thinking. A kid with ADHD has a brain that works differently than other kids’ brains. A lot of successful people have ADHD. One of them is Albert Einstein, who invented the theory of relativity. Another person is Benjamin Franklin, who invented bifocals. One other person is famous composer Beethoven. Both George Bush, Sr. and George Bush, Jr. had ADHD and they were both President of the United States. Famous photographer Ansel Adams also had ADHD. This shows that if people with ADHD can be successful, then people with ADHD can’t be all bad. ADHD kids are constantly in motion and cannot complete a quiet task without making noises. Some of the kids talk nonstop and are very impatient. They can be very impulsive and sometimes act without thinking. It is hard for them to control themselves because their limbic system doesn’t function like other peoples’ brains. Trust me, I have done the research. My husband and I have weighed the options of medication and choose NOT to go that route. Trust me, on the hardest days I tend to rethink that, but ultimately that isnt an option for us right now. We have been working on implementing a plan with involvement, sports, and things to keep him busy...Someone reading this might suggest consequences, rewards, extra loving, scolding, yelling. I can assure you, I have tried them all. Many times. I have tried them, because I can...and Ive found they do not work. PERIOD. We just need to adapt...and he will. Do you know Jayden took apart and put back together a fan today? He loved it, he was overjoyed and begged me and his dad to be able to do it. It kept him busy, it kept his mind busy, and it worked for him. I had tons of things to do, and for that 45 minutes, the child was entranced in what he was doing... People need to learn about ADHD so they would know that he isnt choosing to act this way. They need to learn to speak to him without hurting his feelings, and let him learn in his own way sometimes. Sometimes Jayden gets angry at people, and this low tolerance of others may be derived from his own feelings of being constantly misunderstood. He has to work much harder than the next person just to keep it all together. We cannot fully appreciate the inner struggle he experiences as he tries to fit in and control his impulses. Focusing on the positive is best, but when things are going well we don’t often remember to give praise. We wait for those naughty moments, which creates a downward spiral. PLEASE STOP waiting for those naughty moments!!!!! I am not perfect.. I don’t question whether or not I love him ever, I question whether I love him as much as I should. Enough that it doesn’t get lost through the constant “sit down,” “stop running,” “slow down,” and “don’t do that.” I don’t want him to question the love that I have for him but, I can’t help but think that he does. I can’t help but feel the constant guilt that comes with it.. Some people might be uncomfortable with the fact that I am labeling him, or think that I am giving him an excuse to misbehave. You are wrong....We cannot allow the defiance--no matter what the reasons. Jayden will constantly have to work to control himself.. However, I have 5 children and I am raising them ALL the same....I like to think I do. Please explain to me why do the techniques or corrective action work for the others, but not for Jayden?--IF this is just a LABEL?! Jayden is far from all negative things...Jayden understands where people are coming from as someone who is beyond his years mentally...we have always said that. He sees things in peoples faces that most people wouldnt even notice. He can detect when Im sad, when Im mad, when Im upset...he can detect sarcasm and insincerity with just the smallest phrase, that one may not think he would understand. He sees when people bully him, when he is judged, and labeled on a daily basis, and acts accordingly 100% of the time. If you have already made up your mind about Jayden, then he will show you exactly what you perceive him to be. ADHD is not an excuse for poor behavior - but it is an explanation. Our child is expected to act appropriately but will need help and encouragement to learn and practice it. Immediate feedback is important - positive and constructive. HE doesnt need to hear about for days, what he did wrong last week!!! Our child needs specific instruction in this area. If he acts inappropriately, take him aside and tell him that his behavior was not appropriate, explain why (tell him how it effected the person it was directed at) and show him what he should do instead. Then make sure that you praise him whenever you notice improvement. Perhaps someday he will read this and realize that even though he is a challenging kid, he brings me endless joy. Besides, I am so frustrated right now that I thought writing might be therapeutic.... The harsh reality is that Jayden difficult for many-- but do not underestimate that behind that crazy boy there is a child who is made to feel like he is wrong and inferior, and Im sure each day for him is a struggle!!! I have cried, I have prayed, and I have laughed over this child and his actions...at the end of the day, I believe he will be a productive sucessful person....we will work FOR him, not against him. There is no magic answer nor can I say it is easy but I will say is this...Jayden needs the people in his life to love him, he needs to be encouraged, NOT discouraged. Let him be a little boy. I try very hard to pick and choose my battles with him, because at the end of the day, do I really care how messy he is being, or that he isnt wearing matching socks? He does things that totally require addressing, and attention, and that I fully understand...but if I spoke to Jayden about everything that he did---I would constantly be speaking to Jayden negatively about all the things he has done...that would be our only interaction. Pssshhh- NOT worth it for me. I can bend....maybe its harder for him to bend than it is for me to bend... So I guess what Im saying, is we appreciate every single person in our lives, and appreciate all the time and interest they invest in Jayden! We love you all, but we love our son too, and we recognize that just like WE need reminders of how things work for him, maybe other people do too. When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. -- Sophia Loren
Posted on: Sun, 27 Jul 2014 22:45:47 +0000
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