Some of you have said, Are you now able to walk? Here is a progress report you need to know. The consequences to my stroke have been two areas. My particular brain injury was in the cerebellum where there areas are impacted, my balance or vertigo, the nausea and even, emotions. 12 places were impacted showing very unique parts of my brain where I lost control of my skills and without passing out, fell and was injured. The feeling of nausea has not stopped. My ability to walk has always been to stumble. I can take about two steps and then I begin to tip over almost falling until I can grab something. I can stand, as long as I am holding and I am at this time remaining unparalleled, just permanently disabled, which is why I have a wheelchair.. Many of you believe for a miracle and I will have 100% recovery despite what my doctors said. Thank you. I agree with you and believe. So what does this mean for my future? Since getting the wheelchair, fighting every day, stumbling into the couches and finding my way along anything that can hold me as I try to be independent it has felt more challenging than I ever dreamed. So often when you have limits you have a tendency to become angry, sometimes you want to go to bed, sometimes you dont even want to talk or see anyone. Your feelings can rule you, cant they? Do you know how dangerous this is, to want to feel a certain way? For whatever reason, our society has made it so that we are all about the feeling of joy. Emotionally, we are driven to be full of joy but there are real times when we dont feel joyful. The opposite is the character trait of self pity, which we all know people like Joyce Meyers really hate. Im guilty. Yes, of choosing self pity at times. As hard as I work at trying to be full of joy, its easier for me to go to the dark side of my life. Please forgive me for being this way. I have family members who love me dearly who warn me of this, friends like Matt A. Seward and Cathy Cathy Douglas Seward sent me a bouquet of fruit this week to enjoy, to be positive and others who work hard to keep me smiling. Lynn Dean McAfee is the most can do spirit so I should never have a problem, but I still do. In the last week, I made a couple appearances for CCM, encouraged by many and one of my dearest friends in the world on that day called to remind me how hard this day would be. My Mom in South Carolina called me every day to find out my progress and my former pastor Wendell Estep and his wife wrote me to just lift my spirit along with Erik Estep from the eighties. Do you see what is happening? I see it so very clearly, no matter who you are and what you are going through, we need each other. When I see certain people, I almost break into tears. Ive never before missed so many people in my life and find myself crying more than I ever have. Its like my emotional balance has already been moved too. People I have known since I was four, high school friends who I never knew even cared are sending me the kindest letters I have ever read. New friends on Facebook are writing, sending us lists of real doctors, Cindy Carter Sheffield ministered to us with oils and it was like so many miracles of love were happening. When Tim Miner from LA called when the stroke happened just to tell me he would do anything for me, he said this in love and I remembered why I had always loved him and knew his heart just blew me away. Videos from my past church from Rick Thompson, Norman Behymer even OKC calls from doctors like Dr. Wade McCoy and Dr. Britt moved me. Everyone has been so concerned. Yet, even with this great people, my fight through this has been hard. Andrae Crouch had died the same week and on what would have been Elvis Birthday I should have been dead, but I wasnt. So I have been thinking of what do I do, how can I overcome this, how can I not be angry. What are the new tools I have in my stable with all of the incredible support I received from the music industry and two things happened. First I believe for me to heal... I need to start singing, praising God with music. Listening to my favorite artists is the ethos of my healing in Christ. Praise is not only the key to evangelism, this is one of the keys to my future life! When I was in the hospital, people came and prayed healing over my life which was essential for me to not die. Miraculously, I did not die and the doctors were worried more strokes would create a widow maker. I never praised the Lord in singing about this miracle, but I am going to start. When I went to the CCM concert the other night, my tired body stopped being tired. Music filled my life, filled my world and caused me to praise, weep, have joy and go back to the place of remembering how sweet Christ is. MUSIC is the greatest real weapon I had forgotten. Please forgive me for this, because life is going to change and Roma Downey helped me see this. After coming home, it was deep in my heart what so many of the record executives I have loved for so long, the incredible artists whom you know buoyed my spirits to a new level of hope. Then, I ran into the conductor of music, the man who I had lived with in studio for hours and hours. He stopped me and said, This isnt you Kevin, you are going to change, I promise. His wife had stopped me and said, What in the world are you even doing here and Stormie has been one of the greatest prayer warriors of my life. Between the two of them, they showed me what I need prayer for and specifically what area. I realize I do have a prayer request. This weekend, they are stopping over again and will be praying for a healing in my brain. A specific area of the cerebellum has been seriously and critically damaged. Brad, my producing friend in LA told me, never use the words UNBELIEVABLE again, dont even speak this word into the air, use the word AMAZING and I have no longer say that bad negative word anymore. My prayer request is to have an AMAZING healing in my brain. However long it takes and whenever God wants to do it, I am asking for God to help me to run again. If God chooses to allow me to be limited, its all good. I am going to sing from now on, listen to Christian music of faith, be inspired by words of hope. I want to help champion causes this industry inspired me to do. Im accepting healing in whatever the time frame He wants and I am believing in an amazing healing, whatever that might look like. Im expecting a miracle this weekend and you can be praying for this too. Do you have something in your life where something feels SO BIG you cannot even imagine being healed of this thing? Is there a part of you where you dont believe God is big enough to take care of this? Let me assure you of something my friends, HE IS BIG ENOUGH TO HANDLE ANYTHING YOU THROW AT HIM. Life may be really hard, you may have unsurmountable pain, boundaries and be handicapped, but praise the Lord you dont have to live in a mire, you can live in life celebrating all HE has done already and is going to do for you. Of every faith in the world, you all know my faith has always been found in one place, in Christianity. Never a denomination, never man made, never created in my own will, but surrendered to a God way bigger than me, and to His Son who died and rose for me. Thank you for allowing me in this open forum to express my limited thoughts. Thank you for understanding my heart and forgiving me for all of my silly shortcomings. Thank you for loving me enough to pray with me and I want you to know, I am praying for you...even now.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 13:46:02 +0000
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