Somehow I got my 4s to charge again .. and came across this note I wrote over a year ago... The moment you realize nothing could be any better than it is at the current moment is unfathomable. Yes I could have a chick beside me. Yes I could have a view from my bedroom overlooking the ocean. Yes I could have a Lamborghini in my driveway. But shit, thats not what matters anymore. What matters is how I feel inside, the people Im surrounded by and what Im still learning about life. When I checked into rehab I wasnt only financially bankrupt I was spiritually bankrupt. I had nothing left in me, I was just existing and not living. What has transpired over the past 63 days is incredible. From the people who have took the exit door, to the people who have walked into my life recently. If it wasnt for this blessing in disguise I wouldnt be where I am today. Everything I did a week ago to get where Im at, Id do differently today. Its apart of my growing though, being able to have that wisdom to put all that knowledge to work. Each day Im working at being a better person than I was yesterday, and being even a better person tomorrow. I couldnt even fathom going back to that toxic lifestyle and losing everything for good this time. Having the support system I have is that extra motivation to not go back, and not be a quitter and not give up. To have suffered and overcome it is one of the best feelings anyone can have, because you gain that unconditional love for yourself, and once you gain that you want to share it with everyone around you. That bond you start to make with people is unexplainable, its the understanding you have for the relationships, other person and yourself which makes it totally different from any other relationship you were involved with, with anyone. This is art, a life lived for you is a life not wasted. Im starting to see my potential, and one day Ill become him. Everyones obstacle is the ego, and Im starting to beat him. Ive started to put that work in and its paying off.. Nothing I can hold, but something that just is. See my life has been a beautiful struggle, this is why I write, hopefully Ill be able to help others one day. I had to lose myself to remember who I was, after being a chameleon for so long masking everything and just blending in, it was hard to get use to being me. Its like Whoa, youre this person .. Sometimes its hard to believe cause not long ago I was on some crazy self harm, cocaine everyday, noose around my neck, not looking in the mirror hating myself shit. Keep fighting the good fight. Im doing something right an its working. No need to change it up now.
Posted on: Sun, 12 Oct 2014 02:13:09 +0000
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