Someone put me in this group called Compassionate Friends. It is for people who have lost children. I didnt apply to it, but noticed it come across my feed. So went and investigated. There were all of these parents in there telling their stories about their lost children. It made me sad just to read them. It brought back my own grief. I thought, wait a minute. Do I really want to be here? Do want to wallow in this grief? I mean I feel grief from time to time out of the blue and I still am unable to look at my sons pictures without crying. But I try to live my life with as much joy as possible. I dont want to stay in pain. It is a fact that I cannot change, but I am going to see my son again. He died to me on earth, but he lives waiting for me in heaven. My earthly existence hurts for his death, but my spirit leaps that he is still alive and I will one day hug him again. So NO I dont want to listen to sad stories. I am so sorry that I cant help all these parents heal and experience some joy in their lives,but if I read that stuff over and over, I am going back to my sons death every single time. I dont want to do that. I want to live close to Jesus.The same Jesus whom my son lives with now. He is my connection. He came to give me life and life abundantly. He came to give me joy. He bore my griefs on the cross. I want to speak life to my life. If I was going to head up any type of grief group or be in one, it would not be one where we tell our death stories over and over. It would be one where we talk about how we have learned to live and heal. So I want to share this womans story. She lost her three daughters and her parents in a house fire, all at once. She talks about resilience and living. We cant stay in grief. Yes we have to walk through what comes,but feel it, cry through it and let it heal and then go have joy. It is not about forgetting my son. I will never forget him. I will always miss him and love him and hurt when I think about him. It IS about living in spite of that!!! It is about laughing and loving those around me. We are here on this earth for one purpose and that purpose is to love others and God. If we are doing that, then we have joy. https://youtube/watch?v=uwGUYG2BQ78
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 02:45:42 +0000
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