Something just woke me up at 4 am, it was a restless sleep anyway, and I look around the hotel room and check on each of my four children, as I always do during the night. I discover they are safe and sound sleeping in their beds. I am not quite sure what has caused me to awaken at this hour but I always look outside, even when at home. This morning I saw a beautiful sight, which I don’t normally get to see living on the Coast, snow beginning to fall from the sky. The urge to write something is very strong right now and I have to put a few thoughts down, right or wrong, for myself because I am still searching for a few elusive answers to some hard questions. I know every situation is different and I don’t want to offend anyone with my words but in this world we live in these days someone may be and I apologize in advance. Just bear with me as this is my life and the kids I am dealing with and not yours. Now with that said we will move forward. Some months ago my kids and I experienced a life changing event that no family should ever be put through and since then, during the quest to fully understand why this happened to my family, I have had the opportunity to talk with some very good people that are still hurting one way or another from their own experiences with this situation. I am simply relaying thoughts here that have come to me on my own but I am also relaying what most of them are also thinking and some of your responses may be able to help them also as we are all searching for answers in this world. Some of these very good people, even after years, are still struggling to understand why they were put through this but they do find a way to continue on with the life they have left, many of them, as I do, by relying on their daily activities with their children to keep them distracted from their thoughts. The consensus is that this tactic works well right up until the kids are asleep and there is no more homework, laundry, dishes, or rooms to be cleaned and the house is quiet. That is the time the mind wonders the most to the past and every event through the relationship is replayed looking for some clue or mistake we may have made that could answer why this happened to them and their family. Well, I can tell you that for most of them it did not happen because of any fault of their own and nothing will be found. Most of these other “victims” of the same situation my family was put through and I have come to the same conclusion that this is the most selfish act a human being can commit with no regard or thought given to anyone but themselves in it. The simple ability to control one’s own urges in this world is what is supposed to separate humans from animals. I know some people argue that we are animals too but you know what, God gave us a higher ability of reasoning, well some of us anyway, that I don’t think is fully understood by most in this world. I mean come on, if a goose can mate for life why can’t we figure this out? Humans are supposed to be the smarter species that God put on this earth to master all others but some of us don’t act as though we understand what we were put here for and life is treated more like a game with no regard for their families or spouses. Just turn on your tv sets or go to any bar or night club and you may as well add churches too, as it is good to be accepting, especially in the offering plate, but at some point responsibility and accountability has to come into religion, and just watch what goes on between married men and women and I don’t mean married to each other. I know many other people in this world have been through this same thing and I have heard people say almost all to easily that “it happens all the time”, but you know what, none of that makes it right and it should not have happened to them either and some of them it hasn’t happened to and believe me it is a lot different when you are living something every day and not just talking about it. Just remember that true sincere love for someone is a selfless act not a selfish one and loving your spouse and children should be the easy part for us as God intended. Everybody has stresses in life such as jobs, bills, maybe health issues, and especially when you have multiple children things happen beyond our control nearly every day and schedules change in an instant but you know what you keep loving them and you keep going you just don’t run out on a relationship without at least talking to your spouse and family when things may get a little stressful because everyone else in the family feels it too. I guess enough is enough for now as this is all just beating a dead horse anyway. The snow is getting a little heavier now and I cannot wait to wake the kids up and play with them out in it. You see no matter how bad things will get in this life they are the most valuable gifts God has ever given me and will always be the priority to me just like others used to be. That is just one of the many selfless acts that makeup a relationship and make a family a family along with simple appreciation and respect for each other. I have to have faith that my kids and I will be ok in this world and I will continue to work every day and do my best to make sure of it. As far as moving on personally, I have been asked that a lot by people and I am not sure if that will come for me or not in this life. But now after months of adjustment to this new “situation” I do think about it more often and with time it may happen. I am human after all and God did create man a life partner and as I watch the snow fall this morning I can only hope that there is someone else watching the snow fall also that appreciates the simple but important things in life as I do. My last struggle with all of this is simply how does one ever say the three most important words in their life to someone again and how do you stand before God with a clear conscience and say the same things that have been said in front of Him already? I know some have done this successfully and I can only hope the answers come to me also.
Posted on: Wed, 27 Nov 2013 12:42:54 +0000
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