THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY: THE TRUTH This may be a lot of information to read, but it will give you something to think about. We Debra Dowling & Jess Silliboy generally try to steer clear of Facebook drama or calling people out; we do this to maintain respect and keep it as classy as possible. When we have an issue with someone or something we try to take it up with them in person; not for all to see on social media. However, we have been made aware of a post that was entered today on Queen City Pride’s Facebook; although there may be those who give us grief or become upset for us getting involved, we felt an immediate need to address the situation. Some very serious accusations were made towards establishment, Tantrum Nightclub, which we personally have been working with closely to create Pride events. We are appalled that someone who has not been a part of the planning at Tantrum would take such a stance without all the facts. As patrons but also as community members who have been working very hard to build a great relationship with Tantrum since last June we feel a strong urge to stand up. Unfortunately when things like this are posted on social media it becomes a frenzy of activity. Who do you believe? What do you do? Who said what? Why? When? Well, as stated before, we have been closely working with Tantrum since last June; we have been met with nothing but open arms and full acceptance as part of the team in some cases. We take this whole thing very personally so we implore you to read the information below with an open mind; the information is coming from a place of truth and knowledge. We have taken direct quotes from this offending post and have responded to each accusation accordingly. We would also like to point out that the owners and staff of Tantrum have been blocked today, so they would have no way of seeing the post let alone defending themselves. We find this extremely cowardly, due to the fact that if what you are claiming is true then you should have nothing to hide. It may be a lot of information to read, but unfortunately it’s quicker to tell a lie than to explain the truth. 1. After talking with numerous people last night, it makes me quite sick to my stomach that a place of business, that didnt even know our friends whove passed away, try to capitalize on it in our community by dedicating their pride night to them, on the night were having a show in tribute to them. a. We take this statement personally considering Amanda Kelley was Debra Dowling’s cousin. We too, were approached about this “party” information at her service which we found terribly inappropriate. We were all there to honor Amanda and grieve our loss; not discuss such miniscule life details such as a drag show. However, to address this issue: Before Amanda passed away WE approached Tantrum about moving their Pride Night to this date to continue the tribute to Topaz; this was approved by Valerie Honeywell, who was delegated by QCP to handle the after party. Tantrum and their staff were more than happy to oblige, even coming up with other ideas to keep the fundraising going throughout the night. After Amanda passed we thought it would be nice to include her in the tribute night. KEY WORD: WE, Debra Dowling (Amanda’s cousin) and Jess Silliboy asked them; Tantrum did not approach us. Tantrum and their staff are merely being supportive, they did NOT pick this date to “capitalize” on someone’s death. The reason we approached them for this date is because QCP decided to throw March Dragness on that day to honor Topaz. If anyone has an issue with us trying to honor a family member and a friend, please feel free to call or message Deb not the establishment hosting our event. 2. I think the thing that really bothers me about it, and Ive been quiet about it up until now, is that the other owners of the bar are not okay with pride night, and had to be talked into it by using the all mighty dollar. a. The active owner of Tantrum has specifically said that Pride Night is one of her favorite nights; she and her staff have busted their asses to accommodate our community on music, drink specials, infusions, specific dates, PRIDE 2013 etc. Every Pride event that they let us throw there, we have had suggestions as to how to make the night a bigger success than the last. Tantrum’s staff has been MORE than accommodating on these issues. We think if the owners truly had any issues they would not continue with Pride 2014 which is already in the works. 3. The bar will not advertise pride night on their FB page, they wouldnt allow QCP to put up a QCP sign during a QCP party, they wont advertise for it in the newspaper they own, a. Pride Night has not been listed an official event on FB because the owners did not have the numbers to get the word out. We, Debra Dowling and Jess Silliboy, have worked hand in hand with them to get the word out and make the nights successful. As of our last meeting, their numbers have skyrocketed due to their variety of events they hold; we had already established that Tantrum will be advertising their Pride Nights moving forward. (There was no way for anyone to know this because we just had the meeting, also we realize people may say this is convenient timing but as stated before, we have no reason to lie). b. Has anyone actually contacted the newspaper to pay for advertising space? No, well it’s not free and the owners of Tantrum are not responsible to offer free advertisements just because they own a paper. (2 separate businesses) c. Also, when exactly did QCP hold a party there? Do you mean the bandwagon you jumped on for Tantrum’s annual Halloween Party? We are sure that we spoke with a couple of people at said event, (Including a drag performer who had just performed on the main floor); they were furious that the members of QCP were not even present when it was “their event.” Why should a banner be hung when it is not really a QCP event and QCP was not even present? Not to mention, when we had Pride 2013 we decked the entire bar out in glitter and rainbow balloon towers also incorporating a HAPPY PRIDE sign. (I don’t know how much gayer we can get!!!) 4. they’ll let people dress in drag on the condition that those who do, stay in the lounge. a. This one REALLY pisses us off. If you were at Tantrum on Pride Night 2013 we are pretty sure you saw one HELL of a DRAG SHOW in the bar. The only reason the drag show was not going to be in the bar area this ONE time was because everyone coming would have just sat through a 2.5 hour drag show; they did not feel it was a good idea. You can either agree or disagree with this decision keeping in mind that Tantrum offered their 80 person lounge to the Queens for FREE that night so they could continue their show. (This space is usually rented for a fee) The offer also extended to let the Queens charge for their second show so they could continue their fundraising efforts. The offer was declined. 5. However, one owner had no issue posting their regular events on QCPs page, my page, and the pages of other gay related businesses, via their personal page. Ive had it, and I’m not keeping it inside any longer. I DJd at this bar one time, and after finding out from the horses mouth that pride nights are not fully supported by the bars owners, I declined any future work there and QCP stepped away from directing people there. a. All businesses are using social media. We find it ironic that Tantrum owners have a “problem with gay people” and do not want the events there but seem to be doing a whole lot of advertising on websites geared toward the community, inviting the gay community to their bar. b. When an employee does not fulfill their obligation to a bar on different occasions they are usually not called back for a coveted Saturday night. 6. Its important to support the businesses that support us without all these stipulations. If a bar is going to have a PRIDE night, we shouldnt be asked to sit in the back of the bus, so to speak. This isnt me trying to collapse this bar, however, this is me relaying what I know to those who do support it, thinking that they are supported by this local business. Im not starting a boycott, and I certainly dont want another Benjamins on my hands. However, I feel like when I know something to be true, I should speak out about it. Ive known this for some time, but was afraid of the backlash. I shouldnt feel afraid to speak the truth. a. We too believe it is important to support our local businesses and be truthful, which is why we do and we are. You have probably seen us at many local businesses as well as organizing Pride events on a monthly basis; however we have not seen any member from QCP out and about, much less at any Pride events other than their own. b. No one has been asked to sit at the back of the bus; it was a more than generous offer on this occasion that was declined because it didn’t suit the needs exactly the way they wanted. Tantrum has been more than supportive of our community especially over the past year since we became involved. We saw a need in our community and WE asked THEM to let us advertise OUR EVENTS AT THEIR VENUE. We are absolutely appalled by the lie after lie after lie published on QCP’s page. Debra is no longer proud to have been one of the founders of the group; as it serves no purpose now except to spread discord among our community. We truly hope this message reaches the masses; We have no reason to lie and we have no reason to sling mud. Tantrum is their own entity and can proceed with this hateful post as they choose, we as friends and patrons of this amazing establishment felt that as insiders with actual facts felt that this should be addressed on behalf of the establishment itself but also on behalf of a community who is probably confused. We cannot allow one person, (QCP), to dictate which establishments are gay friendly or gay bashers because from our experience with all the downtown establishments we do not have any that behave in the manner that QCP mentioned. Get out and about QCP, it may surprise you to see the love, respect and community fulfillment that we all experience on a regular basis. Finally, we would like to take a moment to say Thank you to Tantrum and their fantastic staff for all they do; it does not go unnoticed and we are sorry for the emails, negative posts and feedback you are receiving after people have heard the story of one person that does not speak for the entire community. Thank you.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Mar 2014 00:34:49 +0000
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