THE SOURCE OF LOVE By Ismail mazari People seek social contact to overcome their sense of loneliness or isolation. Social contact can be superficial or it can touch us in a more personal way. The very most personal & meaningful social contact — and the one that is the most fulfilling opposite of loneliness — is romantic love. But love is not simply intense companionship — it is a feeling invoked by the presence-of or thoughts-of the beloved. Although desire — or need — for love is not love, it is a source of love. For some people the desire to be loved is primary, and for others it is the desire to love that is primary. There are others for whom these distinctions are of less significance than the desire to be in a loving relationship. When desire/need to love is very strong, an emotion is searching for an object to fix-upon — a person. Although the attachment may be very strong once an appropriate person is found, loyalty may not be so strong if circumstances force a prolonged separation. The situation may be very different when someone not particularly looking for love encounters a person who evokes strong & unexpected passions. When the whole experience of love is so intimately associated with a specific person the durability of the attachment may be greater. Some people with a strong desire to have love in their life may engage in the practice of affirmations — a kind of self-propaganda or self-programming of phrases intended to mold emotions & attitudes so as to create the space for a lover. Although it is not possibly to willfully become tumescent (have an erection), the self can be seduced into erotic arousal by guided fantasy. Similarly, it may be possible to seduce the emotions or redirect them toward love — just as willpower can subdue anger when it is inappropriate to express that emotion. For some love is primarily taking, for some love is primarily giving and for some it is more evenly a matter of give & take. A person driven by intense need rather than desire may manifest the taking form of love. When the emphasis is on taking, the love can be very threatening when it is not reciprocated — like meathooks that rip the flesh. When love is reciprocated or non-threatening, however, a very needy, taking love can be flattering — a gratifying passionateness. It can be a pleasure to feel intense passion directed toward oneself. Moral censure of a taking form of love is not intended. A relationship between a taker and a giver can be fulfilling for both. I have had the experience of wanting to give love to a person who could give, but was often reluctant to take — and it can be very frustrating. Giving can be less personally threatening than taking for some people. Those who primarily want to be givers may even be attempting to manipulate love from a safe distance — trying to ingratiate or to buy love. Someone who only feels comfortable in giving and not in taking is lacking in trust or other qualities necessary for closeness & intimacy. Nonetheless, it is not always easy to separate giving motivated by the desire to ingratiate from giving motivated by the desire to express love or gratitude — because such emotions readily commingle. Although love cannot be bought and love is not gratitude, feelings of love do contain feelings of gratitude. Under the right circumstances being loved can lead to loving in return — the heart is won. There is less risk in loving someone who loves us and the ardor of another can touch our heart.
Posted on: Fri, 05 Sep 2014 13:24:16 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015