TODAYS TOPIC: POO(SHIT) Warning: This article is somewhat awkward and crazy. For those who love to relax and read. Also, it’s meant for only those who don’t shy away from the truth. I mean, those who don’t “form.” I hate hypocrites! Why do we all kind of fret when others talk about poo? I mean, it beats my imagination flat how people pretend to be robots. We all need to stop this pretense and feel freer to discuss issues about Shit.... Do you know what makes shit interesting? Just as we were all born by a woman, we all poo... You poo... I poo...President Jonathan shits...Obama shits... And even your parents shit... These points to the fact that shitting is part of life — an integral part. Shitting is something we all do every day, but at varying frequencies. While some drop heavy, killer lumps of poo once daily, others poo multiple times, releasing dense microchips during each session. The mechanism of delivery of poo also varies among individuals. Some people drop theirs with absolute ease, while some practically go through “labour” before delivering their lumps. The time of delivery of poo varies, too. Some are experts at “quickie” shitting (10 seconds to 2minutes). Some, on the other hand, will spend ages (up to30minutes or more) and will involve all the muscles of their abdomen, pelvis, face, and even upper limb just to drop a lump of poo. Types of poo *********** There are over hundred types of poo, classified using various methods, but I won’t go into details of these classifications. Rather, I will randomly pick and discuss the most interesting types. Here we go… *.Hallucination or ghost poo: You feel something leaving your anus, but you can’t see anything in the toilet. **.Holy poo: The type of poo you enjoy its release So much that you never want to leave the toilet again. ***.Neat poo: This type of poo leaves no traces; you see it in the toilet bowl, but you get no stains on the tissue paper. ****.Wet or dripping poo: Even after 20 attempts to wipe this type of poo with a tissue paper, you keep getting stains. Before you know it, you may exhaust a complete roll of tissue. At the end of the day, you will resign to fate,placing tissue paper between your anus and underwear (to protect your underwear from stains). *****.Second wave poo: This type of poo comes after you think you’re done shitting. You’ve dressed up and are about leaving the toilet when you feel the urge to poo again. *****.Break-a-vein poo: Delivering this type of poo requires you to strain all ur veins very hard. If you’re not careful, you may end up having stroke. *****.Gassy poo: This type of poo is preceded by lots of noisy farts, which create awareness. Everyone around would be like, “gosh!” *****.Giant log poo: This type of poo is so massive that you won’t believe it came from you. No amount of water can flush such. Before you can flush it successfully, you must first break it into pieces using a stick. *****.Bulldozer poo: When this type of poo lands in the toilet bowl, the water in there splashes upwards. The splashes can reach as high as the ceiling (depending on the weight of the poo). *****.Christiano Ronaldo poo: This type of poo comes shockingly,when all you were expecting was a fart. In short,it dribbles you. ******.Black poo: The name says it all. You grab? ******.Obstinate poo: This type of poo just won’t come out, no matter how hard you try. Yet once you get up, you keep feeling the urge to sit back down and try again. Well,You will need to try again after some hours. ******.Pepperish poo: After dropping this type of poo, your anus feels very hot and pepperish as if you drank peppersoup with ur anus. You’ll feel like placing iced blocks between them to get some relief. ******.Pump action poo: This comes in quick successive lumps that land in the toilet bowl to produce a pleasant rhythm (something like “gbo-gba-gbo-gbo-gba-gba-gbi.”) ******.Liquid or tap poo: This light yellow type of poo splashes all over the toilet bowl and soils your butts from inside outwards. When you start, it’s like opening a tap; the flow is amazingly continuous. ******.Mexican poo: This kind of poo smells so badly that even you have to use ur hands to block your nose. Even your neighbours can’t bear it. You have to take furtive glances before leaving the toilet—you don’t want anyone to know that the rancid stench came from inside of you. ******.Lace poo: A close look at this type of poo gives a clue about your last meal. You can see some vegetable leaves or grains of corn and rice. *******.Slider poo: This type of poo slides straight down the toilet pipe after leaving your butts. It leaves you confused as to whether you really did poo or not. *******.Rock poo: This type of poo is so hard that you feel like your anus is tearing apart. Flushing won’t get it away unless you wait till after water softens it. To get rid of it immediately, you will need to fill a big bucket with water, raise it over your head (or higher, if possible you can stand on a stool), and pour into the toilet bowl from that height with full force. *******.Suspended or hanging poo: This type of poo fails to drop into the toilet bowl even after leaving your butts; it hangs in the air btw ur butt and the toilet bowl but will just never drop. To get it out, you will need to rise up a bit and wriggle your body like shakira, so that the movement cuts it out, or contract your pelvic muscles so that the sphincter cuts it off. Having understood the importance and types of poo, you can now teach others, too. You see, poo happens every day, and there’s no need hiding this fact. You need to stop shying away from poo. And you need to remember that this article is just a product of the author’ crazy imagination and brainstorming..... But all the same, poo rocks! So, spread the word,and stop all the “forming.”#henshaw
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 17:17:34 +0000
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