The 17th stanza of Psalm 119 (Pe) has special meaning to me as a remembrance of a pivotal time in my life. My mother died from metastatic breast cancer in 1992, and I had been her primary caregiver during her last, hard year. It was a tough journey for both of us. She struggled with the debilitating effects of both the disease and the treatments, and I struggled with juggling my career and taking care of her. In that last year, I got no more than 3 hours sleep a night. By the time Mom passed, I was at a breaking point never before experienced. I had a lot of decisions to make, and for the first time in my life I lacked my sense of purpose. What was I going to do with myself, when I no longer had someone who needed me? The day after the funeral, our pastor, Jim Cook, dropped by Mom’s house, where he knew I’d be, and wanted to take me out to lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant in town. (He and I were the only ones in the entire congregation who loved Indian cuisine.) During our lunch, I spoke about my feelings of uselessness, and not knowing what to do. He reminded me that God advises us that, in those times of turmoil and uncertainty, He expects nothing more from us than to “be still before the Lord, know that He is God, and wait patiently for Him.” Jim suggested that I take some time off work and get a change of scenery for a bit. I had tons of vacation time built up from not being able to take off work while taking care of Mom, so this was doable. I scheduled a 2-week leave from work, and during the first week, I took care of paperwork and mundane business details, and just learned to breathe again. For the second week, I headed down to one of my favorite spots in California, Bass Lake in Yosemite. I wanted to go where it was quiet, peaceful, and I could commune with nature and wildlife. I took with me just enough clothes to last me the week, my Bible, my portable radio, and my fishing gear. I went to my favorite little fishing village on the lake that had darling little cabins, a great little grill restaurant, and a handy little store selling groceries and sundries. I was so surprised that the owners remembered me from 2 years prior when I had last stayed there. It was a busy summer season, and they had only 1 cabin left, but it was the family size. But since they remembered me, and said what a great guest I was, they let me have it for the price of a single. It was in my favorite area, with the back deck facing the lake. I can testify that when God provides, He goes overboard! We don’t necessarily have to ask for something; He knows what we need and what makes our hearts happy. One evening I was sitting on the deck looking out over that beautiful lake, and it was a clear, beautiful sky, with every single star shining brightly. I had a glass of that delicious lemonade the owner’s wife had made me, my Bible, and my radio. I was able to pick up a wonderful contemporary Christian radio station out of Mariposa. As I was reading through Proverbs, praying and seeking wisdom, this very song came on the radio. Halfway through, I completely broke down, sobbing my heart out, and asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him with my life and for not taking time during the most hectic, chaotic and difficult year of my life, to thank Him for carrying me. I then regained my total dependence on Him. By the time I made it home, I was refreshed and back in the game! youtube/watch?v=Y9h0bcaLElk
Posted on: Thu, 05 Jun 2014 15:40:31 +0000