The Diary of a Broken Girl By Nabeela Kapery Noorani Part 16-20 Relief, smiles followed by laughter. Qays could breathe easy again. Having a baby with someone changes things drastically. Anyone lucky enough to be a parent would know that even if you no longer are in a relationship with the mother or father of your child, you are forever bound to them, through your child. After everyone quieted down from exchanging congratulatory wishes with everyone else, the doctor addressed Qays once again. “The only logical explanation I have as to why your wife collapsed, is most probably that she was extremely dehydrated and weak. She has regained consciousness and admitted that she has not been eating anything for the past few days, and working a full day. Exerting oneself during pregnancy can be detrimental to one’s health as well as the baby’s health. She could do with a few days of bed rest. You are free to take her home once her blood sugar levels have stabilized.” “Thank you doctor. May I go see her now?” “Of course. She’s asked to see you.” Qays open the door, and peered in through the crack. There she was, laying wide awake in the bed. She already started to look better. The healthy pink rosiness in her cheeks had already started to reappear, most probably because of the IV drip stuck in her arm. She looked over at Qays and smiled radiantly. “Nawwaal, how are you feeling?” Qays put her hand in his, waiting for her to speak. “A little nauseas. Other than that, fine.” “Did the doctor maybe inform you why you have been feeling a bit off lately?” “No he didn’t. He said he needed to talk to you first. Just don’t beat around the bush. Tell me what’s wrong with me. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.” Qays studied her first for a moment before he responded. She was clearly uneasy, though she tried to hide her fears by sounding stronger than what she may have been. He put an end to her suspense and answered her. “The good news is you are going to be fine. It’s nothing serious. But he did find something.” “Just tell me, please!” “We’re having a baby. You’re pregnant.” Qays spoke through a smile, waiting for her response. It seemed like the news did not immediately register because she froze for a few minutes. After what seemed like a minute, she was clearly ecstatic. She almost leaped into Qays’ arms, making him laugh. Her clear happiness was a pleasant surprise. “But, there has to be some changes now habibti. For one, you need to stay in bed for a week or so. That means no working, not even after you feel better. Just relax at home, or go out with your friends, take up a hobby. Anything as long as it is not stressful or strenuous okay?” “Yes sir. Are those the doctor’s orders or yours?” “Both,” he replied, beaming at her. She embraced him once again. She was hopeful that perhaps a baby would seal his love for her, and increase the depth of their relationship. If carrying his offspring would not make him want to change the stars for her, she didn’t know what would. If only she knew what was still to come, and what the price was to pay to make him truly hers. Nawwaal had a tough pregnancy. She was constantly throwing up and suffered heartburn the whole pregnancy through. She bore it with a lot of patience. She never complained much to anyone, especially Qays about her qualms with the pregnancy. The only person she did complain to was her doctor. As the weeks edged closer and closer to her due date, Nawwaal started to glow radiantly as her visible belly grew. Qays played the role of the ever devoted husband very well. He waited on her hand and foot, never allowing her to lift a finger, even if what she was after was better within her reach than his. He played the role of the doting father – to – be even better, though he was genuinely excited at the thought having a little person walking the Earth that was a part of him. After all these months, dealing with the pain of losing Khulood did became easier, but sadly, his intense love for her refused to diminish. After a long 42 weeks of a challenging pregnancy, Allah decided to put Nawwaal out of her misery. Finally, she went into labour. One Morning, while reclining outside with her eyes closed in relaxation, she suddenly wet herself, however, she didn’t remember needing the washroom. She quickly realized that her water in fact broke. She screamed out Qays’s name. Luckily he was nearby, and rushed her to the hospital. The pangs of labour started off gradually, until it reached a level of excruciating heights. Nawwaal squirmed with pain, and let out an awful howl. Qays couldn’t handle the sound of her suffering, and begged her to give in to the epidural, but she refused. She was going to have her baby all-natural, come Hell or High water. Finally, after hours of an unbearable labour, I was brought forth into the world. I was aptly named Juwayriya Rouby, because of the constant blushing look of my cheeks that I inherited from my mother. Juwayriya, which means Damask Rose, symbolized the intense damask darkness of my hair and the rosiness of my cheeks. I was born almost an exact replica of my mother, except that I had hazel-jade coloured eyes and my father’s dimple. Other than that, there was no mistaking the identity of my mother. Nawwaal, my mother, received 27 stitches from giving birth to me. She took much longer than usual to recover from natural birth than usual, due to the severity of her stitches. But nothing could spoil their elation. I was the coolness of my 19 year old mother’s eyes, and the apple of my equally young father’s eyes. Of course, since both my young parents came from aristocratic backgrounds, I was conceived, born, and bred on all the finest things the modern Arab world had to offer. Both my mother and my father treasured me very much. For my mother Nawwaal, her life became complete. She had a little daughter whom she loved very much, and a husband she had pledged her heart to. She finally accepted and made peace with the fact that he could never love her, not in the way that she wanted him to. He did care for her though, a great deal as well. He did all he could for her and pleasure. Even to the point of employing a fulltime pastry chef. My mother had a ridiculously sweet tooth. She was not very impressed with his move. “Qays, you know how hard I had to work my but off to get back into shape! Why do you have to make me sell my soul to the Devil? You know I I can’t resist temptation. I don’t have the willpower to refuse.” She was clearly irritated, but Qays found it so amusing. “Not to worry habibti. Even if you got as chubby as you were in Elementary School, I would still find you attractive and as beautiful as ever.” She glared at him, which made him laugh heartily. These circumstances of love however, were soon about to change. The reason for being unable to love Nawwaal the way he really wanted to, would soon become very apparent to her. Being a young modern Muslim family, we were always out and about. My father loved the outdoors, and my mother, well she just loved being out. One particular day, the day when four people’s lives were to change completely, we were out in one of the latest malls that had popped up at the time. I was nearly a year old. Fortunately for me, after a good few hours of retail therapy, a quench of the thirst was just a wail away, attached to my mother’s chest. My parents on the other hand, were parched. “Nawwaal, something to drink maybe? I could do with something ice cold.” “Just a water for me. I need to feed Juwayriya for a bit.” “Okay, I’ll be right back.” After a feed and a quick change, my mother and I joined my father once again while he ordered. We waited for him at a nearby table. He collected the two drinks, and stumbled into the patron behind him as he turned around, knocking one of the glasses over. Apologizing profusely to the lady he almost knocked over, she removed the oversized shades she was wearing and met eyes with him. The World then stood still and ceased to exist. There she stood, right before his eyes, right before all of our very eyes, the woman who would change all three our lives forever. Khulood Zuheir, our beloved. Even my mother could feel the electricity in the air that sent shockwaves all around us. They rose, eyes still locked solely on each other. Thousands of words were said in this longing glance, without an actual word ever being uttered. A single tear rolled down from Khulood’s eye, and it appeared as though she began to stretch out a hand to my father, but quickly retracted it as I stumbled off balance towards my father and planted my little feet next to him. Khulood understood what that meant. My father had moved on, met another woman, married her, and even had a baby. Her heart broke all over again. So many questions between the two that needed to be answered, couldn’t. It was just too complicated. Old feelings reignited. It was as if nothing had ever changed. The love and deep heated passion they felt for each other, clearly was still apparent. Once again a dilemma for my father. Was that actually his Khulood standing in front of all of us? How could it be? What exactly was she doing in a place she had banished my father to face all alone? And what business did she have in a place that she had turned her back on 2 years ago? He didn’t have the heart to go through the loss of Khulood again. He just couldn’t take it. He didn’t want to see her again if he couldn’t be with her. All seeing her again did, was reopen a wound that may have started to heal already. That had all changed then, because there she stood in front of him, in the flesh. Thoughts running through Khulood’s mind, were much the same. Her deepest fear had come to life. Seeing Qays again, was exactly the thing that she prayed for not to happen, the thing she prayed against. One weekend, just one weekend, this weekend she needed to be in Beirut, what were the odds? What were the odds that she would see the one person she would try her utmost best to avoid? What were the odds. You see, fate has a funny way of just working itself out. At times what seems impossible, improbable, happens. Fate doesn’t take the desires or wishes of man into account. Fate does what fate is meant to do. In our case, fate had determined that these three people would be forced to face each other, and to face the secrets buried deep within their hearts and it would force them to deal with these secrets head on, whether they liked it or not. It may have not been what they all wanted at the time, but it was without a doubt, the one thing they all needed, for all four our sakes. Khulood wanted so much to clear the air, to explain herself, tell him what really happened, but where would that take her? What could it possibly do? He was already married with a child, it just seemed so pointless. But he wanted the closure from her too. If she didn’t love him like she so abruptly pointed out two years ago, why was it clearly painful for her to see him in from of her eyes like that? Qays’ world was turned on its head once again. Nothing made any sense at all. He couldn’t deal with it all just then. He straightened himself up and stormed off. Nawwaal, was completely confused, yet somehow finally aware of what she knew not. This woman, this beautiful stranger, had to have been the missing link she’s been searching for, for all these months that passed her and Qays by in a relationship that may at times have felt a bit uncertain. So maybe this is why she found it impossible to win my father’s heart. Maybe this is why she could give her whole heart to him, but he couldn’t do the same. Now she knew that even if she wanted to, she couldn’t really blame him, it’s not as if he had control over that part of his situation. At least she knew she was not to blame either, because clearly, this scenario went down way before she even came into the picture, before she came into Qays’s life. It was just as much out of her control too. Now she knew why, she couldn’t have his heart, for before she featured in his life, another woman had already laid claim to it, and never returned it. Even if she wanted to, it couldn’t be done. So what did this mean for Nawwaal going forward? Where to from here? Where did any of the three stand at that point in time? Without even knowing the whole story, it had been blown wide open, it needed to be dealt with. Khulood then looked towards Nawwaal, and studied her for a moment. Of course Qays would choose someone like her to be his wife. She was gorgeous and sophisticated. From her appearance, it seemed as though she was highbred like Qays as well. Nawwaal, now glancing at Khulood had similar thoughts racing through her mind. She could see why Qays could have fallen for her. Any man easily could. To look at her was mesmerizing. Even if they wanted to dislike each other, hate each other even, it was in neither one’s heart to do so. Hatred did not exist in either one. And then the strangest thing happened. They became instantly drawn to one another. They both shared a problem that revolved around the same basis. One was in love with a man she couldn’t have, the other had a man that she had no true love with. The funny thing is, is that it was the same man. Fearing her presence was doing far more harm than good, Khulood looked toward me, then back to my mother, and turned around and walked away. Nawwaal wasn’t going to stand for that. She had now came far too close to finding out the truth to just watch the truth walk away. She scooped me up and ran after Khulood. She was determined to talk to her, and prepared herself for a Hell of a backlash from this strange woman. But what she received was quite the opposite.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 19:35:37 +0000
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