The Handshake Was reflectin on handshakes at 2am this mornin as I was wound up from a titilating Chamber of Commerce gala date followed by a smooth & lovely mini Diggers Duo indulgence on Gottingen St in the new Hipsterville.. ..in a span of 3 mins of table intros, Ive come up with 4 primary handshake styles: The Quick & Dirty: Described as shallow,quick & limp..generally of the clammy nature..if it were a Polka Troup - it would be called: Clam & the Schwetty Palm Gang. Eye contact is generally in the cleavage area (for those who are fortunate to have it)..or atleast the general décolletage viscinity. There could be some Beavis and Butthead nervous giggles in conjunction with this unfortunate encounter. Next we go full circle and have the Rockstar of all hand to hand hugs: full-palmed,prolonged, firm. This says - with full uncomfortable nose to nose eye contact - Hey You, I am so happy to meet your acquaintance that we will gaze into each others eyes for a full 30 seconds during this small talk session - I am confident my breath is on point, and before the nite is over, there will be a tickle fight. Said hand is strong yet soft, warm like a heated leather car seat..yet dry as tho it was just air dryed in a Dyson Dripblaster 3000. U know once you get one of these youll be comin back for more. Not to be underestimated, the 2 Hander is always a great idea. Popular with politicians & enthusiastic networkers..also affords a reasonable amount of eye contact without crossing the lines of personal space, or the realization this guy lives on garlic chicken. Its committed, but not over zealous. Last but not least is the Mel Gibson. Here, U get one hand in hand..and 1 hand up the arm resting on bicep or shoulder. Several things could happen here. They could be checking out your BMI & determining what kind of muscle action is rockin that suit jacket..or it is a front for needing 1/2 a hug, without succumbing to a full embrace. ...but beware of the Lean In Close Talker! Sometimes the Mel Gibson gets out of hand (pardon the pun), and is used to pull you in for a sloppy moist mouth to ear private whisper..generally completely inappropriate. Keep your wits about you on this one. Could your handshake be a Metaphor for something else?Does the way we awkwardly embrace a stranger give them a small insight into how we grab life by the...ears? Is it infact a window into our existential soul? Whos to say...whos to say.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 12:47:03 +0000
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