The effects of last weeks convention are still with me. Im fighting against a sudden bout of intense sadness. It doesnt really have a source, its just.. sad, and tired. The hallucinations are kicking up again at night, which is distressing. Its bad timing with me trying to prepare for four conventions simultaneously. But... I glance over and see the ribbons Ive won, and remember how incredibly generous and KIND everyone at westercon/conduit have been over the years. I think about the audience member who saw my 13 year old son flail at some popcorn rocks and heard me tell him well look it up later because I couldnt afford them right now.. and then went and bought some and gave them to him. Or the gentleman who saw I was a bit sad, and took the time to just talk about art with me. Or Keliana, my former intern/student who I got to see again and the convention and had the *embarassment* of having a small episode in front of her.. .and have her just accept it, roll with it, and say Its cool. Theres nothing there. Its all good. Im always terrified of people I like actually seeing an episode rather than just hearing about it. Because then I really AM crazy and it stops being something Jess just talks about and becomes real. Or the people who sat and talked with my daughter, the lady who helped her try her very first corset on and showed her that you really DONT have to sacrifice comfort to look fantastic. I nom on applesauce that Jana made, and it makes me feel warm because she has SO little and yet has always given so very generously. I curl up under the quilt she made for me and feel comfortable and loved. I am getting ready for two beautiful ladies who are full of creativity to come over and share inn some giggles and art, and explore a bead shop... and while the sadness is still there, it doesnt feel like a pit thats pulling me down. So I guess this is a really long way of saying thanks for being there guys. I really kind of need it today and every message, every bit of chitchat, etc just... kind of keeps things on an even keel today.
Posted on: Sat, 12 Jul 2014 18:19:57 +0000
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