The first weekend of the Vinecroft Studios Artist Market is over. It was great to see so many people who came as an extension of or because they could not make it to visitation for Chris or her funeral. While I really wanted to cancel, many friends talked me into continuing the Market. Now, emotionally and physically exhausted, Im glad I did. I dont know how you ease into the rest of your life after losing a child, but I think this helped both of us. It was very painful to be there and not have Chris help. She was there every year. This was a big hurdle for me to not see her bouncing in this morning. Try as I might I could not conjurer her up. But she did come in in the hearts and minds of countless others who came to talk, share, and even do some shopping. We dont know the rules on this so were answering questions and speaking from the heart. Yes, this really sucks. I dont know how to put it more succinctly. I missed her this morning and this afternoon and again when I got home. Some of you know that when Chris and I were together at something she would always call me to let me know she made it home safely. I missed getting that call so I went to voice mail and listened to some of her calls from other nights when she got home before I was in phone range. Tonight Gina and I ate dinner through a veil of tears and then we read the latest 40 Sympathy cards that came in today. The true depth of what Chris meant to others is becoming more and more apparent and that, while wonderful, still added to the tears. But now some are more poignant than sorrowful. And then.... I dont know how, but a facebook message to and from Chris from June popped up on my screen. It said, Dont forget that youre human. Its okay to have a melt down. Just dont unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where youre headed. Chris had replied, Good advice. Chris...and everyone else. I dont plan on living there, but I do plan on loving and mourning my sweet girl. Before I go I must say a big Thank You to everyone who has been so consoling. Gina and I appreciate every one of you. (Especially Chris Aquinas Soul Sisters which is what the second and third pictures are all about.)
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 02:35:38 +0000