The following is a rant that I wish to god I could send a friend. After years, and years of coaxing him out of killing himself because of a terminal illness that is slowly consuming him and leaving him in increasing pain. I always feel bad afterwards. Drained and debilitated. He never does commit, but... it just hurts. I cringe every time he messages me. I want to delete him, but dare not to. I know he loathes facebook, and honestly it is one of the reasons I find such solace here. I want to scream this in his face, because he leaves me so depressed my own damned self for days. Yet... ... ... Im an enabler because I care. Still there are others in my life who dont know, (and dont care because its not about them, and the world revolves around them) that I put forth such efforts continuously that need to hear this too! Rant On: Oh dear God! I know I sound like a selfish, self centered, self absorbed asshole here; but for the love of god, stop f*cking whining! I am tired of being the enabler by constantly counseling people not to hurt themselves by bad behavior, UN-warneted ill feelings, and yes, even suicide. I know this is coming hot off of the heels of our beloved and dearly missed Robbin Williams, and I know those grieving the loss, drama queens, and instigators are going to be all over me like hamburger in a Parana tank, but I dont care. I need to f*cking breath! Your pain is painful, and its tearing me down! I have put in my time, for YEARS now, and I HAVE loved you; but its time for me to love me. Its time to be like some of you that are always saying when they see someone else get what they want or need, and envy to obtain (WITHOUT any sort of effort on their part) the success of others with a but what about me? Yeah, this is me saying but what about me with my palm turned out and waiting; because I f*cking deserve it! It is time for me to have some ME time. Without drama. Without mindless self destruction. Without feelings of obligation to someone who cannot even be bothered to take responsibility for their own emotional well being. Without having to include someone in my life because they dont feel like they have enough of a one on their own. Without anyone or anything that isnt for my mental and emotional well being and enlightenment. Find a f*cking counselor, and pay the f*cker some money! Hell, pay me some money for all the years you got counseling from me for free! Consider this a wake up call, and you know who you are! Dont go asking me, are you talking about me! Im not going to answer you. You know good ***damn good and well who you are! Dont guilt trip me for not draining all the vibrant color and joy in my life to paint you pretty pictures and leave me drained. I dont see you there to return the favor when I need it, and mainly thats because Im not a f*cking pussy assed whiner like YOU!
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 19:18:17 +0000
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