There’s a new ExxonMobil commercial that talks about how - TopicsExpress

There’s a new ExxonMobil commercial that talks about how wonderful it will be to have the tar sands pipeline through the middle of the US because building it will CREATE JOBS! Here are some other things we could do to CREATE JOBS! 1) We clear-cut Alaska’s grizzly bears. They’re ferocious, and they’re angry because we’re wiping out their habitat. I say cut ‘em all off at the ankles. And that will create jobs – You’ll need trackers, bear experts, samurais with swords. Jobs jobs jobs! And don’t worry, if we leave the ankles, they’ll grow back. 2) We MURDER everybody named Luke or Lance. Lukes and Lances are generally assholes, right? So you murder ‘em, then you gotta clean it up, then you gotta hire counselors to counsel Luke’s douchey friends on their grief. Lots of jobs! 3) BLOW UP the Hoover Dam. Rebuild it out of Cheerios so that it collapses every week or so. Keep rebuilding it. 4) Lastly, we CAUSE CANCER in people, but we’ll try to make it the treatable kinds. Treating cancer takes tons of work and money and jobs. You say oil pipelines create jobs. I say cancer pipelines. Let’s bring cancer to every American. Everything on this list would create jobs. So I’m starting a partnership with ExxonMobil to make this list happen. Please JOIN ME and together we can bring jobs to every man, woman, and child.

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