They say in AA to drink is to die. Most people assume, that they are talking about the physical death. I have come to understand it quite differently. There are many more deaths that come before the physical. There is the spiritual death where Im cut off from the Spirit of the universe, I could be in a room full of people and feel totally alone. There is the emotional death, I laugh because I know something is funny but it doesnt feel funny to me it feels like nothing. There is the financial death, when I get a paycheck I dont know how to spend my money appropriately so the paycheck never lasts till the next one. This is of course assuming that I still have a job to go to, because once Ive indulge in the beast I am no longer a valued employee to anybody. There is the familial death where my family wants nothing to do with me, locking the door when they see me come up there driveway. There is the social death where I have no friends, Im left alone and die alone. The romantic death where I dont even know how to love myself let alone love another person and accept their love. And possibly the most frightening for me is the mental death, where my brain is so saturated with the selfishness-self-centeredness and self-serving nature of the beast that any decision I attempt to make I cant because Im paralyzed by fear, every interaction I have with the people around me I view to be a direct threat to my path of self-destruction. Drinking is the very last part of any relapse. Human beings were designed to be social animals to need one another to complete their lives. Recovery is about finally considering someone elses needs before my own. Its about doing the right thing for the right reason because its the right thing to do, expecting nothing in return and telling no one that you did it. Living along these lines frees me from the bondage of self and allows me to experience the freedom of the Spirit of the Universe. - Salvatore Fuentes (2013)
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 03:12:52 +0000