Think of me as a sort of an intervention... but for Congress. Hello Republicans and Democrats. First, I want you to know that I care deeply about you. I want only the best for you. I brought you here today because I want to tell you something. Many of your friends and family members wanted to bring something to your attention, but they were afraid of offending you. So they have asked me to intervene on their behalf. I want to talk to you about your spending habits. Before you get defensive, hear me out. The American people gave you $2.8 trillion dollars last year. You spent $3.5 trillion. We cannot do this. You must show more financial discipline in the future. When we give you $2.8 trillion, do not come up with a budget of $3.5 trillion. We simply cannot afford it. Do not be afraid to cut spending. Shut down the Dept of Agriculture, lay people off, sell buildings. Do whatever you have to do to stay within your budget. You can do this. Things will get rough for a while. You might get the shakes, or show signs of withdrawal, but all of this is normal for someone that has been addicted to pandering as long as you have. Just know that I am here for you. Your friends and family members sent me to Washington to watch over you and help you through your momentary weaknesses. Please, anytime you feel the need to splurge, whether it is from peer pressure, or that momentary lapse in judgement, please call me. I will keep you focused. Now chin up bucko. Focus on your objective, and get in there and fight for it! you can do it! Cut that spending, slash those budgets. Reject those programs. You can do it!!
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 23:11:57 +0000
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