This has been a long time coming - especially for those who questioned; what went wrong - is he sick? If you have patience to a long read - feel free! Peace! I am not by any means capitalizing on another mans hardship - but I feel under the circumstances it opens a door for me to share the mask which has covered me since I was a teen. Clinical depression is a 24/7 battle - for me it intensified as I continued to get older. I used humor (even if it was corny) to keep myself going as well as to remain a part of the happier more typical crowd. Some friends tired of my not showing for parties, celebrations, simple get togethers... my anxiety and depression held me down like I was shackled ( I would have made a good dementor). Medication can only do its part until the body levels off and needs more and then you become - at times a zombie (hmmm a part time career perhaps) - again, these were my symptoms. Talking helps; doing the recommendations seems like running up Mt Everest - a simple task of getting into the car to go to places you once loved - the shore, friends, concerts, travel....all became a never ending exhaustive battle. At my most recent job - the president was a good man who worked with my absences due to this disease - one that people said I was taking advantage of - or hes being a burden - that knife went deep. BUT, A former administrator and a few others -- I will attempt to be professional- spit out words like being a detriment, unprofessional, phony, no longer effective, a trained monkey, and a hindrance to faculty morale...let alone to jump off the Walt Whitman nor the Burlington Bristol which was said to be just in humor. For the first time - I was broken - no one ever had the ability to do that. So, loving my career and not wanting to affect anyone or lose my many many good memories - I resigned. DO NOT RESPOND to this - it is not meant to be Woe is me; cuddle and hug: it is a SCREAMING MESSAGE - if you are a colleague, family member, friend... to someone with clinical depression - be patient, chose words carefully, and yes - get them some Billy Joel tix. That mans music and the career I had keeps me hoping as i wander through the world in which I live - even if in my imagination. Well that was a long FB message - thanks if you read it all - have a beer now :)
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 16:42:51 +0000
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