This is not a status update. Or a post. Its essentially a blog entry. In length and in purpose and form. Its an explanation of a thing. Im starting a new thing today and asking you to join me. Its a simple thing and Im gonna do it whether anyone chooses to join me or not, honestly. Im also going to teach my kids to do it. Probably for the rest of our lives. Heres the thing…Theres something I learned about literary criticism as an English major called the theory of binary opposition. (Stay with me.) It suggests that we only understand things by their opposites. So light is understood only and most fully when directly placed against darkness. Same for good and bad, young and old, love and hate. I think about this ALL. THE. TIME. Like, its downright strange how much and in what situations I think about it and so Ive decided I am going to do something about it. Because on my very best days, I have weird thoughts and mixed, whacked out emotions about stuff. I move from laughter to tears real fast and I am weird on days like birthdays. Or Father’s Day. Or Mother’s Day, or Grandparent’s Day, or Valentine’s Day, and lots of other days, honestly. And here’s why- I cannot escape the reality that on those days, and other days like them, as many of us are mourning as we are celebrating. That for every woman being given cards, kisses, and breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day, there is another woman somewhere, probably not far away, grieving because she has lost her mom. Because she wants to be Mom. Because she is in the midst of saying a long or sad goodbye to Mom. Because shes never met Mom. Because she no longer speaks to Mom. On my kids’ birthdays, I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the very same time that I am so painfully aware of mommies everywhere grieving the unbearable losses of their own babies. On days when I get the privilege of celebrating justice in one kids life, my mind immediately goes to the sad INjustice in the lives of thousands of others. It seems like very time I get word that one cancer victim is in remission, another one is diagnosed. And on Father’s Day…ohmygosh…Father’s day. The statistics on fatherlessness just kill me a little bit. Ok, a lot. I came to terms with the lack of a Father figure in my own life years ago. And in fact, this is one place where I have witnessed God’s redeeming of the wasted years first hand. My husband is intensely committed to me and to our boys, which he learned from his own dad, who is an incredible reminder to me of what God hoped we would think of when He made Himself our Father. I am so thankful. But I also cannot ignore what’s happening in the homes on my own street on Fathers Day. Every single year. So this. This is what had been living inside my head for a few years. And then on my own birthday last year, a precious friend lost her newborn preemie. And that sort of changed some stuff for me and it messed with me a bit. And then the day before my birthday just this year, I was attending the funeral of a friend who died IN HIS THIRTIES from Alzheimers, leaving a gorgeous wife and 4 beautiful babies behind. And that changed some stuff even more. Messed with me. Again. But what a gift God has given me in perspective on these days. What a privilege that I cannot avoid the reality and mystery and potential of these kinds of juxtapositions anymore. Because every year from now on, while I celebrate the very breath in my lungs and the years of my life, MY FRIENDS will visit tombstones and release balloons and tell stories to keep memories of loved ones from dying even more. Many of us- moms, dads, kids, lovers- we lie in waiting. For so many things. Waiting for reconciliation and a relationship restored. Waiting for answers. Waiting for explanations. Waiting for a prodigal’s return. Waiting for a reunion. Waiting to become something we’re not. Waiting for a relationship to become something it’s not. Waiting in some cases for the final Resurrection Himself. All around us, while we are celebrating, people are waiting. Maybe grieving. Maybe aching for something old or different or new or better. Maybe aching to remember or aching to forget. AND SO…were going to do some things in our house from now on. Even if it gets uncomfortable and even if we have to seriously pursue and hunt some folks down. Every time we celebrate something in our family, we will make an intentional effort to reach out to someone who is struggling. Not because people are projects that need our sympathy, but because THEY ARE OUR PEOPLE. And “they” could be us. And “they” probably will be us. If not today, then certainly tomorrow or the day or week or year after. And we have the ability to keep memories and hope alive FOR OUR PEOPLE. When I love people, I am loving God. So every year in January and October, on my sons birthdays, I will reach out to a mom who has lost a son. Every year in April on my moms birthday, I will reach out to someone who has lost a mom. Every year in November when I celebrate my anniversary, I will reach out to someone who has lost a spouse or is in the midst of grieving a divorce. Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines day, Thanksgiving, all of them. I will choose not to forget hurting people. And by reach out, here is what I mean: Send flowers. Send a card. Make a phone call. Share a meal. Drop a plant or gift on the doorstep. Extend an invitation. Make a small donation. Share some encouragement. Engage in an unhurried conversation. It doesnt have to cost a lot. Our kids can do it at any age, and so can we. Because heres the other thing- Sometimes circumstances and seasons make it hard for us to believe that God is faithful. But He is. And sometimes we, His people, get to be the working out of that truth on earth. And the celebrating is so good and so appropriate. But maybe as we celebrate we can also remember our brothers and sisters who are struggling WHILE we celebrate. Maybe when we throw our hands up in worship or open our mouths wide with laughter, it can be not only in near-sighted thanksgiving for what WE HAVE, but also in prayerful remembrance for what someone else has lost. What someone else is still waiting for, grieving over, swallowed up by. A prayer ACCOMPANIED BY ACTION, a simultaneous overflowing of gratitude and a crying out for the hearts of others. An offering in one breath of thanksgiving, and in the next breath of real intercession and encouragement. This is so doable. On my most special days of the year, days when I am overwhelmed by gratitude, and the goodness and faithfulness of God, I will choose, with my family, to remember the struggling folks who are (for WHATEVER reason) so uncertain- of themselves or their future or their family or of God. Im not going to preach to them or share my opinions about their suffering or its cause or origin, and I’m not even going to try to make them feel better. I’m also not going to limit my reach to only those people who are just like me, who live like I live and believe what I believe. Im just going to find someone who needs me and remind them that THEY ARE NOT FORGOTTEN and do one little thing to love on them. AND THEN WHAT IF ALL OF YOU JOINED ME? If even half of you, my fb friends, decided to reach out on two special days a year, roughly 400 small acts of love would take unsuspecting people by surprise, every year. By no means will this ever create for us money or public accolades, and the stories probably wont make the news, but on some small but significant level, I think a silent revolution could sweep through people and homes and hearts and cities. And if but for a moment, hope could rest inside heavy chests. And deep breaths of fresh air could fill shallow lungs. Believe it or not, I could go on and on from here. No joke, I have to stop myself because I have so much to say about this. But- Will you do this with me, friends? It will cost us some intentionality, maybe a little self-discipline and a wee amount of money at times if we want it to. But I would be beyond thrilled if you would do this with me, and maybe even share the idea with your friends. And then, will you like my “One For One” page, maybe share it too, and post a simple update on that timeline every time you reach out? One For One. I’m moving it from my head to visible, public space (even though I’m fearful people will think it’s lame, that I’m lame), because it could actually be a thing that works a little bit of change. Good change. Every great moment we get the privilege to enjoy is an undeserved gift of grace. We can just give back a little and encourage each other in both the celebration and the remembrance, right? Good and hard dwelling together, joy and pain, lovely and ugly, delightful and impossible. I think we will more fully understand one by its contrast with the other and our picture of joy and the fullness of God and Life and People will be a little more complete. On Saturday Jayce and I will pick out some flowers and drop them off at the home of a beautiful and brave woman who lost her son way too early. It will be awesome and horrible at the same time. The first of many I hope. #oneforone.
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 04:46:07 +0000
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