This will probably be my most real and honest post I have ever written. Surprisingly, when I talk about my journey with my body, its actually quite easy for me and its most likely because I no longer live in denial that the struggle exists. However, when it comes to opening up about feelings that may make me seem weak... I second guess. But the reality is, there are moments I do feel weak and it has nothing to do with my body. Recently I have wondered if I am cut out for this and by this, I mean the fitness world. Over the course of this past year I have slowly started to lose faith. I cant really tell you what I had faith in, but my overall outlook was definitely more positive. Somewhere between the food shaming, the over the top egos, and the extremists mentality... I started to feel lost in the middle of it all. I found myself disappointed in people I once looked up to and questioning the motives of others. I have witnessed marriages end because of temptation in the gym or because vanity overshadowed the value of family. It seems as though you can be anyone you want to be as long as you have enough people that believe it. Even the most perceived ethical individuals have proven to me that living organically and with integrity is truly hard to find. Hashtags with innuendos and ranting posts filled my news feed over this past year. People staking claim that one sport is more valid than the other and my diet is better than your diet has simply been over the top. The collision of poor characteristics and negative energy has left me scratching my head in disbelief. And this is my reason for posting this today. I have come to realize I dont fit in... more importantly, I dont want to fit in. I dont have a desire to prove others wrong because I am educated from books... I would rather show others that there is hope because I am willing to share my life experience. I dont want to rant about someone elses choice of diet and style of training... I would rather focus on my own and those that have reached out to me. I will never value my looks over spending time with my family... I would rather be a real life role model to my impressionable kids than a virtual physique hero. Although I have found myself feeling weak, I realized that I still do what I do because I am not afraid to stand alone.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 19:19:20 +0000