Those of you that know me well know that honesty and sincerity with myself are very important to me, and that lying to yourself is, in my opinion one of the worst things you can do. I offer that statement as a sort of foreword: This semester has been, quite frankly, awful for me. Ive done poorly in school, allowed myself to become lazy and complacent in certain aspects of my life that Im normally very strong in (school is included here), and ultimately have not been representing myself honestly. Naturally, this is the point where I believe it is appropriate to do some self-evaluation and analysis. After sitting in judgment upon myself the last few days, Ive come to a particular conclusion. To start, I personally dont believe anyone will do something they dont want to do, assuming all consequences and motivations of/for that action are considered. Furthermore, I personally find myself very willing to do things that I enjoy. After a semester of not wanting to practice singing, finding reasons/excuses not to sing certain days, avoiding the extra work that goes with being a performance major, etc. With the understanding that music, specifically performance, is a very difficult and competitive field, there is a level of work one has to commit, daily, to refining and mastering their performance art. Concerning that work, I find that I personally have both the work ethic to do that level of work, and the knowledge of how to become a better singer; why is it that I choose not to go practice, especially if I have these tools, and want to pursue music as a career? I see no other possibility other than I just dont have the passion for singing that I thought I did, or specifically the passion that I personally believe is required to be successful as a professional singer. Thus, if I am being sincere and honest with myself, as I believe is so important, I think it is in my best interest to pursue another avenue in my life, specifically as a career. To make a long story short, I will, starting next semester, be pursuing another degree besides vocal performance. Making this decision brings a great number of emotions, and I will attempt to summarize the key ones: I am thankful because of the wonderful instruction I have gained from my teachers the past 3 semesters, specifically my voice instructors , and Dr. Houghtaling for the great work and teaching he has done for me through my affiliation with the UA Opera Theatre. I am thankful for my fraternity and my fraternity brothers, and I am so glad that I have grown to know yall the way I have. Most importantly I am thankful for the relationships I have made with my colleagues in the School of Music. I have sincerely enjoyed my time with yall, getting to know you, building friendships, and my interactions with my colleagues was sincerely the best part of my day, every day. I will miss seeing each of you in and around Moody but I know that the relationships I have built are not going to simply disappear, and for that, I am the most thankful. I am happy because while this was a hard decision for me, I experienced in my practice today a joy for singing I have not felt in over a year, and I look forward to cultivating, now that it no longer feels like a chore, that love of music that has been missing recently from my life. I am happy because I chose to pursue a dream instead of making the easy decision. I would have been disappointed and unsure my entire life had I not tried for a music degree, and if nothing else, I now know beyond a doubt that music is, for me, a hobby, but not a lifestyle. And thats OK. I am excited because while next semester will look VERY different, and will, in some ways, be very much like my freshman year over again, I will hopefully be doing something that entails less frustration, less anger, less disappointment, less stress, and overall more happiness; to re-iterate, this semester has been VERY bad for me. Ultimately music simply isnt for me, not as a lifestyle. As a hobby, I expect music to play a great deal into my life, and to influence me forever. I plan on continuing to sing with University Singers (Dr. Ratledge, you need not worry) and am excited to continue with SOME elements of music in my day-to-day life. I will probably still listen to opera in my car because Im a nerd and opera music is still the best thing ever. I truly wish I had the passion I described earlier; I wish I could be a successful professional musician for my career, but just as I am not 64, extremely athletic, and wont play professional football, I dont have that passion, that drive, and music wont be my life, my career. I say that simply as someone being honest with themselves, and with no regrets about who I am. I love who I am, but there is simply no sense in me trying to be someone Im not. If this post does anything more than simply inform my friends of my recent choice, I hope I can inspire someone to follow their dreams. I know it is cliche, but the worst that can happen is exactly what I have gone through, and I personally believe the knowledge I have gained about myself and my relationship with music will serve me better in life than an eternity of doubt and regret. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind when youve made the wrong choice. Ultimately, that covers my thoughts on the subject, so I dont see the need to elaborate much further. I wish everyone at UA the best of luck on finals this week, and hope that, should I not see all my friends individually, you each have a fantastic and relaxing vacation. Find joy in your daily life, and work to cultivate it. And above all else, remember to smile; if not for yourself, for the people around you.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 05:06:18 +0000
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