Three years ago today I underwent a surgery to remove a carotid body tumor from my carotid artery. Initially the doctor thought it would be an easy removal and they would be in and out in 2-2.5 hours. Once they got in there they realized the tumor was alive (veins running through it) and this quick and easy surgery became a bit more. 6 hours later and 4 new pints of blood I awoke to feeling like I was choking on my own saliva. It was by far the scariest thing I have ever gone through. I had severe trouble swallowing and speaking. To avoid a feeding tube I was put under one more time to get a shot to my throat in the hopes of helping me eat. Thirteen days later I was released from the hospital. My recovery was long and hard. At the time I worked at home for a company in Cincinnati that had me traveling and conducting online training on software products that we sold. They were very patient with me but by October my recovery wasnt where I could train/teach or travel. We agreed that I needed to step away from my position. It was the first time since I was 12 that I was officially unemployed. And now I was also temporarily disabled. It was SO scary because I was the bread winner, corporate jobs pay VERY well and Chris was only working part-time. The Unemployment office wasnt even sure if I would qualify to receive unemployment checks because I was nearly unemployable. But God, in his sovereignty and wisdom and already put a dream, a vision, and a desire in my heart for a ministry. He told me while I recovered that I would have a new voice. I had no idea what that meant but I trusted him. Im not good with sitting idle so I got a job writing for CullmanSense and I got out and volunteered at Cullman Caring for Kids. I choose to not allow my circumstances to define me and everyday I trusted and obeyed whatever it was that God had for me that day. Sometimes people look at me and say, you have so much faith. I want to say if you knew what God has brought me through you would understand why that may be true (though there are still days I hear God whisper ye, of little faith). I have fought through anxiety attacks, severe fear of pleasing man over God, and realizing I am not in control to get me to where I have a very different perspective on who God is and who I am in Him. I promise you this your trials, your challenges, your struggles are not unknown to God. Though you may think He has forgotten you, what you are going through is of no surprise to Him. If you will allow Him to He can use this time to draw you closer to Him, break you free of fear (yes it is possible...I am a living testament to that) and mold you into who He made you to be. Ask me three years ago if I would be employed full-time leading a faith-based non-profit that ministers to the poor, the vulnerable, the addict and the incarcerated I would have looked at you like you were nuts. He knew better than I did what the plans for my life were and if I had stayed in control Id still be shooting for the next big-paying position with the title to boot. Because what I didnt realize then, that I do know is no amount of money can bring you the happiness, the joy, the peace or the hope as serving Christ Jesus in the calling He set me apart to do. Father God thank you for my near death experience. Thank you for my very hard recovery. Thank you for my anxiety attacks and my fear issues. Without any of them I would not be who I am today more in love with you than ever and grateful to serve and steward the things you allow me to have. Thank you that I am alive today to enjoy my husband and son, to have pride in the community that I live in and love my neighbor as myself. Your plans are so good, not to harm me but to give me hope and a future. I trust you God and praise you for the good, the bad and everything in between. Amen!
Posted on: Sun, 01 Jun 2014 15:08:44 +0000
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