To My Friends and Family!!! Words fail most of us when someone we love is dying or very ill. But beyond hugs, words are what we have left. With me being so sick right now and all the events of fund raising for cancer that I am unable to attend this year, I thought I would right this for you. Strange as it sounds, the terminal or unthinkable diagnosis is often the “easy” part. After the diagnosis comes breaking the news to friends and family, dealing with colleagues and neighbors, and finding new ways to speak about the unspeakable. Somehow it seems a little unfair, as I weigh my words to avoid burdening my friends, and some stay away because they think they dont know what words to use. Dont let a concern for saying the “wrong thing” keep you away from a friend or loved one whos facing death or who is very sick. The best solution is often to say nothing at all, and just simply be present. Or if you are a close friend, to say “I Love You” and let it go at that. Many of you have said “I Love You” to me, and that to me is like a OK expression and means a lot to me. The simple expressions of concern are what most of us, living or dying, welcome, especially if the expression comes from a good listener. I am grateful to have had a just a few bad reactions to the change of medications, diet and other things that is buying me a few extra days or months before I have the transplant or go on dialysis. But sometimes someone will ask if I am feeling “sick” and I tell them no. They assume Im fine, or getting better. Im not fine and Im not getting better. I just dont happen to feel nauseated at that moment. My wish is that friends could rejoice with me about that particular moment without expanding it to unrealistic degrees. Enjoying the moment is something wonderful to me, especially after learning those moments are quickly disappearing. I believe those moments are a gift that the sick and dying make to the living. One of the things I am experiencing or was experiencing was trying to keep my high level job, but I found subtle differences in my colleagues tone and words which often brought unexpected comfort or distress. Its funny how small, insignificant details can loom large. I was happy to hear things at work like “I dont know what we will ever do without you,” but I found myself infuriated one day when someone said, “How are you going to do this when your so sick and are not here?” Blah blah blah. My spirit suddenly lifted, though, when a co-worker text-ed me emphatically, “Dont worry. It will all be here regardless......No worries man no matter what you always going to be family.” It was as if he were offering to fight alongside me, and he didnt even have to say the END word out loud. It definitely changed me that day. I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends who found easy words to say out loud, like, “Im sorry”, “I want to help if I can” and “Youre a wonderful Friend and/or I Love You.” I have been truly BLESSED with all the wonderful Friends I have. Thank You!!!! Reno
Posted on: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 08:46:53 +0000
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