To my Arezzo friends from this year and years past; Ive been having trouble lately. Ive had a really tough semester, as several of my friends at Muhlenberg already know, and I am truly grateful to those who have been willing to listen. In addition to the difficult time Ive had readjusting to social life on campus, which has fortunately gotten better over time, Ive had an extremely hard time getting cast in shows. I truly hate to be getting hung up on this, both because I know that such hardships are just part of the line of work that Im pursuing and because some of my friends have had an even harder time than I have without becoming discouraged, but my semester has been a truly frustrating one. Now last night, I took a look at the article that Amanda shared, as well as the comments left by Alexandria and Lily, and I have to admit to feeling a little bit ashamed. From what Ive seen, you guys have taken a much healthier and optimistic approach to auditioning than I have, viewing auditions as opportunities to experiment and explore new artistic possibilities. It feels like I still have the same narrow and pessimistic view of auditions to where Im nervous for them rather than excited, and Im only able to judge the value of an audition by whether or not Im cast. While I know that it is entirely possible for different people to take away completely different lessons from the larger-than-life experience we had at Arezzo, it feels like you guys have taken away a better attitude from the experience than I have. I also get the notion that directors are able to sense when actors are able to take this kind of positive attitude to their auditions, which I feel can impact in whether or not they are cast. I believe that it shows a kind of resilience that I just dont feel that Ive displayed in my auditions since Ive been back, which I believe has been reflected in the difficulty Ive had getting cast. I honestly feel ashamed for putting so much emphasis on being cast in big shows, as I know that the Accademia dellArte program is meant to expand our horizons as performers. I know that its just human nature to feel disappointment when youre not cast in a show, but the fact that I still gravitate towards this as the criteria by which I judge myself as a performer makes me feel somewhat dim and uncultured. My problem is that part of the reason I love to perform is because I look to it to give me a sense of confidence in the world, and when I go through rough spots like I have been lately, it gives me a feeling of powerlessness. The thought of not coming away with the same wisdom that all of you guys have taken from this experience absolutely kills me. Last semester was fantastic and a one-in-a-lifetime experience, and even if we all took away different things from our time in Italy, I just want to know that it has made me a better person and performer.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Mar 2014 05:51:35 +0000
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