Today has been the the toughest day for me thus far. I went to my Bubbis graveside this morning to visit with him, and I just stood there wondering how we even got to this point. Today it really hit me that I never get to see my brother again- on this side of eternity and maybe not the next. It hit me that he wont be here for his birthday in December, we wont be spending Christmas together, he wont be there when I get married or have children (if I change my mind), or when his kids start school or get their first crush. For the rest of my life-however long it may be- all of my experiences will be missing him. This is not a pity post- theres light at the end of the tunnel. As I stood over Johns new earthly home, I realized how many strangers had preceded him in death. I saw hundreds of headstones, some laid to rest so very long ago. I took comfort in knowing that my pain is not foreign, but that my feeling of helplessness and hurt is (or has been) felt by the families of the other individuals that have taken up residence in that cemetery. I also know that those families made it, they deal with it, and they have normal happy lives & so that means that the same thing will happen for my family:) I know that death is nothing new to anyone, but I dont think knowing that makes it any easier. I guess my mom put it best, Everybody gets a turn, and right now is ours. Not trying to make anyone sad. If you know me, you know Ill be fine. Im just trying to talk through it to make sense of it all. P.S. Hug your family as often as possible and never stop making memories. You never know when they will be all you have.
Posted on: Tue, 16 Sep 2014 17:32:17 +0000
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