Today’s Poem Although my traumatic experience is working on 3 years, I find myself still lost in the tears and fears that I will once again wind up alone. The loneliness is deep, deep in my soul, something and somewhere that not many have ever been there. I am faced again with the physical pain brought on by one, what should have been, simple day in August of 2010. Most say that because of the date, Friday August 13th that I should have taken it as some kind of sign and then there are those who claim that in some way this fire was my karma, and I say how dare they! I have been and always will be kind to those who show me kindness. I firmly believe that I treat others the way that I would want to be treated. However, with your cruel words and thoughts, that continues to run through my mind making me constantly searching my soul to find any fault that could have been mine. Each time I come away empty handed without a trace of blame or shame that I should feel as God was with me on that day and walked me out of the building alive but not unscathed. I am out again due to pain, the nightmares follow me and the physical results of that day, I will carry until I can let go and know I am truly free from that awful day and all of the pain it brought to me. My body is reacting in a way that it is letting me know it is time for a break for my weary soul. Thank you to all who have been supportive of me and to those with negative comments, may God have mercy on them for they know not what they say. The only thing that I am guilty of is being hard on myself and realizing that now I am always looking around the corner for the next stone to be thrown. May God Bless and keep you safe and if I have walked this journey to protect the innocent, then I agree to pay. My Native American roots keep me strong and I believe that one day I will never more be alone, inside or outside, for those to see that my true karma is just as beautiful as me, and hopefully find it in their hearts to be happy for me. I am not a victim as I refuse to be, I find my own reasons for these tragic things that have happened to me. Peace!
Posted on: Wed, 05 Jun 2013 19:00:05 +0000
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