Tonight I watched an anime called Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day, its a beautiful and tragic story about a group of young kids who lose one of their best friends a little girl named Menma in an unfortunate accident. The kids struggle to move on in their lives, until she happens to reappear as a ghost to one of the kids, and thus begins a beautiful and crazy adventure to help her move on. At the end of the anime all the kids are teens and finally admit their feelings and heartaches and it finally helps her to move on. This series brought up a lot of feelings within myself, I kept telling myself Im ok and I had made my peace with my brothers death, but I realize now that it was pretty much a lie. I havent made peace at all. I still struggle with it everyday, Im reminded of him by the most random things. Today I thought about how he used to ask me to make him a mexican dish called Migas, its fried corn tortilla and egg, when wed get home from school. Hed say, Big brudder, can you make me migas? Id reply with an obviously annoyed tone, mostly because I knew he could make it himself, You know how to do it Jon. Hed simply reply, But youre my big brudder, youre supposed to take care of me. I would give anything to make him migas again, Id give anything to tell him Im sorry that I wasnt a good enough brother, or that I didnt try hard enough to understand, or that Im sorry for not caring enough. So many times I wished it had been me instead of him, so many times I wish that I could have traded places with him. It kills me to know that he reached out to me and I shot him down because I was angry with him. I cant sleep at nights because my mind wanders, no, it races through the thoughts of all things I didnt do right by him. I know Im flakey, Im air headed and sometimes I just get lost in my own selfishness, but I really did care about him, I do love him. Im not posting this on Facebook for some grand pity party or because I want attention, Im posting this here so others can learn from my mistakes. Love the ones who are in your life, you dont know how long youll have them for. Even if the most difficult people are in your lives, try, please try to love them and work at it. I made the biggest mistake of my life by not trying, and Ill live with that regret forever. We have only one life, one chance to make things right. All you have to do is try. Please, please, please dont live your lives with regrets. I have never in my life been more determined to make my book a success than I am now, its the one thing my brother and I shared. He used to ask me to hurry up and write it so he could read it, even though he didnt really like to read. He used to joke as long as their were pictures hed read it. So little brother, since I cant make you migas again, Im going to do this. Im going to write my book, I wont ever live with regret again.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 10:51:39 +0000
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