We can all some how relate to this. I can and Im not ashamed to admit to it. Ive loved and lost, but its made me a wiser person. Don’t Hate Your Ex! Published on March 6th, 201 Back How Your Ex Taught You to Love Better and More Freely Anyone who has ever loved has also, in all probability, had their heart broken somewhere along the line. It doesn’t really matter which person called it quits first. What really matters is all those messy, unattended “strings” that make it feel like closure will never come. Rest easy, gentle reader! Help is on the way! You don’t have to sit at home plotting revenge or go out every night just to show how desirable you are. The answer to putting a nice big “X” in front of the one you no longer have in your life is simple, but it will take a little patience and some real determination on your part. You will be given homework and you need to study because Life is the ultimate test and teacher. For instance, say you are going about your business, happy and enjoying the company of a suitor (or two!) and you rarely think of your ex at all these days. Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, something pops into your life and dark and sinister emotions begin to stir again. Why is such a situation still causing unsettling emotions? Chances are it distills down to a simple concept: It is probably because you have never been acknowledged for the good things you did while you were with that person. You were never appreciated and you could never get closure without some kind of positive acknowledgement. You Gave Them Everything When you two were together, you really gave it your very best. You gave them love, a home, clothes, food, money, medical attention…whatever it was that they needed, you tried to provide. Many times you did without things just so they could be given what they needed, or so you thought at the time. The Evil Spin Doctor Now you find out that they spin history in a fevered pitch. Suddenly you are the most evil thing this side of one-size-fits-all pantyhose! The more you try to defend yourself, the more you begin obsessing and that begins a dreadful downward spiral. Yes, they spread lies about you. Yes, their version of history was obviously written by Stephen King. And, yes, there is nothing you can do about it that won’t exacerbate the problems. It Takes Two In your logical mind, you know that the breakup was really the cause of BOTH of you. It is rarely plausible that the entire time could have been completely bad for one and completely wonderful for the other. However, now is a good time to really analyze why your relationship ended and what was your true role in the dissolution. Attributes and Shortcomings Write down 10 things for which you are very proud that you did while you were with them. Then write down 10 things for which you aren’t so proud that took place during your relationship. Beside each attribute and each shortcoming, write down why you did what you did and how you think it would have made your ex feel at the time. No fair trying to justify, just write down the raw emotion. Often when we think we are helping someone (whether it’s financial or emotional or whatever) we are actually forcing them to stay in a subservient role. In order for there to be a “savior” in a relationship there must also always be a “victim.” One cannot exist without the other. As you can see it is very easy to slide into the “enabling” role without ever meaning to do such a thing. When you look at making sacrifices for someone, what you are really doing is encouraging them to use you. You are telling them by your actions that you deserve to be disregarded and your needs are not as important as theirs. There will always be times when certain sacrifices should be made, but those moments should be localized and limited and they should NOT become a way of life. You Don’t Need to be a Superhero Once you have looked at your lists, begin to realize that each moment in that relationship was endured and experienced just so you could love better and more freely when the next person comes into your life—and believe me, there WILL be a next person. This time, however, you will not allow yourself to begin a relationship with someone who needs to be “repaired.” If they start the conversation off by telling you all of their “problems and frailties” take a polite exit and don’t look back! They are trolling for a superhero and you do not have that kind of time! Look at your ex now and ask yourself whether never receiving a “thank you” from them is really worth ruining a perfectly good day. Look at the people in your life now who love you, who cherish all your strengths and weaknesses and who do so as strong and balanced human beings, not broken or wounded souls who need to be carried to their next drama point. Your Deserve Better You deserve better and that is exactly what you will receive when you look at what you have and learn from what you no longer possess. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is apathy. Do not deaden your heart toward your ex, but, instead, look at the lesson and release the emotion. The Universe can handle such magnitudes of feelings far better than the human heart. The Universe has much more storage room!
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 11:48:06 +0000
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