We want more! Yesterdays post generated requests for more examples of assertive commands. So here you go! Assertiveness clearly tells children what to do so that they may successfully meet your expectations. To be assertive in your communications you must: • Tell children what to do. State your wants, needs and expectations clearly and simply: YES - “Give me the scissors. These are too sharp. They could cut you. I will get you a plastic pair.” NO - Why do you have those scissors? • Send the nonverbal message “just do it” in the tone of your voice. Match your nonverbal and your verbal communications. When you do this, you let your child know that you mean what you say. Before your child decides whether to comply with a command, he/she will read your facial expression, tone of voice and gestures. You increase the chances that she/he will obey if you appear confident and in control, sound sure of yourself and use gestures to provide information. • Be clear and direct. Give children choices only when choices really exist. YES - “Its time for bed. Go upstairs and get your pajamas,” you leave your child no choice. NO - Are you ready for bedtime?” or “It’s time for bed, OK?” implies that your child has a choice about being ready or not. • Give children usable information. Give commands that contain, usable, helpful information and avoid rhetorical questions. YES - “Get in your car seat and buckle the seat belt. NO - “Can you show me how to sit right?” • Own and express your feelings directly. YES - “I feel angry when you interrupt me,” you are being assertive. NO - Look what you made me do” and “”Can’t you be quiet while I am talking?” are indirect (passive/aggressive) ways to express anger. • Speak in concrete terms. Abstractions like good, bad, nice, etc. can be confusing for young children. Teach children what it is to be good and nice specifically, without relying on labels. YES - “Ask your sister if you can play with her by saying: May I please play with you?” NO - Be nice to your sister. • Be conscious of the intent behind your communication. The intent behind assertive communication is clarity. Clarity will help your child be as successful as possible. Show respect for your child and enforce rules without teasing, embarrassing or bullying. Being respectful means focusing on improving behavior rather than on getting your child to feel bad about their actions. The intent behind the words is more powerful than the actual choice of wording. When giving assertive commands use the following steps: 1. Move to your child, get down on eye level and make direct eye contact. 2. State your child’s name. 3. Verbally tell your child what you want him/her to do. 4. Touch your child gently on the arm or place your hand on her/his back or shoulder. 5. Use visual cues through gesturing to support what you want your child to do. As always, we wish you well! #iheartcd #SEL #schoolreadiness #family
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 16:46:23 +0000
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