Well guys, I might not be on facebook much longer, my computer goes and that will be it. My son continues to blame me for being his thorn in his side, and to be frank has left me wondering what my life was even worth. I mean, I gave up my goals, my ever thinking of anything that would have been just about me. I dont know how to think about what I would want for my life, I wasted all those thoughts on making my kids happy, and with my son cody making me wonder what it was all for, because I truly had every decision I ever made in my life was always for their worth not my own. I was forced to give up ever thinking what I wanted for myself, I had to give those thoughts up because I had to Keep my son alive literally. I continued in raising my son Travis Cody so he could survive his champagne taste by helping him make a living to keep him happy in having that good income, and I failed myself in the process. I am left here alone now with children living life well. but I am now a waste of there time, maybe even an embarrassment because I am all used up, and left with an empty shell, with no path to even want to continue. what is there that makes me wake up and want to. Is this it. You give your whole lifes energy to your kids and when your body can no longer do, its left worn out, alone and just waiting to just not wake up anymore. I have been shown that I am great when my kids needed me, but when I need them it brings me to all I gave to them made me now an empty shell. now I am a burden to my kid because its me who needs now and I guess all my giving of my undivided attention to them did not teach them a damn thing about giving of themselves for others who are in need. for that, I am now incapable of changing, but its surely not a good feeling nor gives me any reason to want to wake up another day, but have no control over that either. So To my son, THANK YOU FOR USING ME UP< THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME I DID A GOOD JOB IN MAKING YOU SUCCESSFUL< AND AM ONLY LEFT WITH BEING YOUR PROBLEM NOW, but I failed myself now because my giving of me only is dealt with by shutting me out from those I wore my body out with so they could carry on, and they only reciprocate by saying how I am a bother. WELL MY BAD FOR THINKING THAT THEY WOULD CARE ABOUT ME WHEN I AM IN NEED< WELL SHAME ON ME FOR BEING A FOOL ALL THOSE TIMES I WANTED TO JUST GIVE UP AS THEY MADE LIFE UNBEARABLE WHEN THEY DIDNT GET THEIR WAY. SHAME ON ME FOR GIVING THEM LIFE SO THEY CAN NOW ONLY THINK LIFE IS A PARTY< WHEN I DID NOT GET TO HAVE A PARTY< BECAUSE I* HAD LIFE AND DEATH ISSUES DAILY TO CONTINUE IN RAISING MY KIDS WHILE DEALING WITH THEIR NEEDS THE BEST DAMN WAY I COULD< AND NEVER BOTHERED TO PUT A WANT OF MY OWN FIRST< IT WAS NOT ALLOWED AND WAS JUST A DISAPPOINTING DISTRACTION TAKING AWAY FROM MY KIDS> NOW< I WONDER WHERE I WENT WRONG< BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE MY KIDS WHEN I NEEDED SOMETHING< BUT INSTEAD IM TOLD IM A BOTHER> WELL KIDS< HAVE A HAPPY LIFE> IM GLAD YOU GOT TO USE ME UP< AND THEN let me be a bother AND DELETED FROM YOUR LIFE SO YOU CAN NOT BE BOTHERED. LIFE IS SUCH A FUGGING JOKE. AND THE JOKE IS ON ME BIG TIME. BUT WHY IS IT I DONT FIND IT SO FUNNY ANYMORE. IT IS NO FUN BEING WORTHLESS.THAT IS FOR SURE. I KNOW WRITING THIS ON FACEBOOK IS STUPID BUT WHEN YOU LIVE IN A BED ITS YOUR ONLY SOCIAL WORLD. MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE WILL LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS AND NOT MAKE THE SAME STUPID MISTAKES THAT LEAVE YOU EMPTY TOO. NITE ALL. THIS GIRL IS GOING TO DO WHAT I CAN TO MAKE TIME GO BY WITH AN EMPTY BRAIN, SO SLEEP IS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO. WHOOP WHOOP. I AM SO STUPID TO THINK I DID SOMETHING SPECIAL TO MAKE MY KIDS SPECIAL TO OTHERS, ONLY PROBLEM IS, i DID NOT THINK IT WOULD TURN AGAINST ME IN THE END, NOTHING BUT TOTAL FAIL. WHAT WAS I THINKING
Posted on: Sun, 29 Sep 2013 22:45:15 +0000
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