What Every Good Trial Lawyer (or good trial paralegal) Knows! “DONT READ THIS ARTICLE!!!” by Elliott Wilcox Did you know that there are special words your jurors, judges, and clients are unable tohear? I stumbled upon these secret words while talking with my research assistant. We were sitting in my office, discussing important issues, when he suddenly reached across my desk and pulled my Costco-size jar of Jelly-Belly jellybeans towards him. With a big smile, he exclaimed, “Jelly beans!” and opened the jar. (Oh, I may have forgotten to mention that he’s only 3 years old!) I quickly told him, “Don’t eat the jelly beans.” He smiled as if to say, “I hear you loud and clear,” then reached inside the jar. Repeating myself, I said, “Don’t eat the jelly beans!” With an even bigger smile on his face, he stretched his fingers wide to grab as many jelly beans as his little hand could hold. With extra emphasis, I warned him, “Don’t eat the jelly beans!” If you have kids (or have ever been a kid), you already know what happened next. He paused for a moment, looked me square in the eyes, and then... Stuffed the entire handful of jellybeans into his mouth. But why? Why would he so deliberately ignore me and do the exact opposite of what I said? Well, the first reasons are obvious… Jelly Belly jellybeans are delicious, and, for goodness sake, he’s only 3 years old. But the second (and more important) reason why he ignored me is because he never heard the word “don’t.” Let me explain. Your brain works in pictures. If I ask you to think about Cookie Monster chugging a can of Dr Pepper while sitting atop a Clydesdale horse in the shallow end of your pool, your brain won’t process those concepts as words or theoretical constructs. Instead, your brain creates pictures to process information. As you read that paragraph, your brain develops the bizarre picture of Cookie Monster astride a Clydesdale. That’s why you might have a difficult time remembering someone’s name (ex. “Larry Baker”) just minutes after meeting him, because your mind doesn’t easily process the name and convert it to an image. But, if you learn that he bakes for a living, you’ll probably remember that fact hours, days, or even weeks later. Even though it’s the same word (“Baker”), your brain does a much better job with processing the second version. That’s because your brain creates a vivid picture (probably with a big chef’s hat and flour on his clothes) that makes it easy to process. (It’s the same reason why Rosetta Stone works so well for learning the fundamentals of a new language, because it uses pictures to cement the new vocabulary into your mind.) But here’s the critical limitation with how that entire process works: Your brain only creates positive images. You only “see” what’s described and what’s supposed to be there. Your mind doesn’t see an inverted version of the picture or create a redacted version with blacked-out elements. Here’s why that’s important. If I ask you not to think about Cookie Monster chugging a can of Dr Pepper while sitting atop a Clydesdale horse in the shallow end of your pool, your brain probably creates the exact same image as it did before. Yes, your eyes see the word “not” written on the page, but since your brain doesn’t know how to create a visual image for that concept, it skips it, and then proceeds to draw the rest of the picture. The result is that both requests create the same pictures in your mind, even though they are 180° opposite from each other. That’s probably why my son jammed a fistful of jellybeans into his mouth, because, in his mind, Daddy kept insisting, “Eat the jellybeans.” (And when Daddy demands that you eat a fistful of jellybeans, well, what choice do you really have?) But there’s another problem with telling people what “not” to do. The reason why using negative words like “don’t” and “not” causes problems is because many people never actually hear the words in the first place. Unless you have the voice of James Earl Jones and the looks of [fill in your own favorite here], chances are, most people you’re speaking with won’t be listening to you with 100% rapt attention, hanging on your every word. For most people, their attention drifts in and out, depending on what else is going on with their lives and how much they can piece together from the context of your conversation. So not only do they have trouble processing the “don’t” command in your sentence, they probably never heard the modifier in the first place! Here’s the solution. If you want people to do what you say, minimize your use of negative modifiers like “don’t,” “not,” and “stop.” Instead, tell them what you want them to do. Rather than telling your jurors, “Don’t find him Guilty,” ask for what you want: “Return a verdict of Not-Guilty.” Rather than endorsing a colleague online by writing, “I would not hesitate to recommend this lawyer,” write what you really mean: “I wholeheartedly recommend this lawyer.” Rather than telling the judge, “Don’t send my client to prison,” tell her what you really mean, “Give him probation so he can keep working and pay my fee.” Once you start creating positive images and telling people what you want them to do, they’ll “see” what you want them to see and hopefully, do what you ask. Who knows, you may even be able to convince them to leave your jellybeans alone!
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 12:04:11 +0000
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