What follows is a short list of behaviors that suggest insecurity: 1. Are you able to give a compliment? Even more important, can you graciously accept one? The latter behavior tends to be difficult for someone who is unsure of himself. He might blush or become flustered. Alternatively, he is prone to dismissing the validity of the praise, instead telling you why it isn’t true. What should one do if complimented? Simply smile and say “thank you.” Nothing more. 2. An inability to maintain eye contact is hard for many individuals who lack confidence. They will look away or look down, but rarely maintain the gaze of the other by looking into his or her eyes. 3. The self-doubting person tends to apologize a good deal when no apology is necessary. It is as if she expects to be reproached or is afraid to give offense; so, she prophylactically tries to excuse any possible mistake on her part in order to avoid just such a response. 4. Answering a question with an upward inflection of the voice has been heard or done by everyone. The person being questioned doesn’t have certainty about his answer, so he replies with a tone of voice that betrays his insecurity. 5. Men and women who are uncomfortable with sharing personal information for fear of being judged will oft-times turn the conversation to a different topic, away from anything that might make them vulnerable or reveal too much. This is also called “changing the subject.” 6. One way of inoculating yourself against criticism is to make jokes at your own expense. Do this too often and others may conclude that you put yourself down because you believe yourself to be seriously flawed. 7. Do you have trouble making a decision? The comedy team “Cheech and Chong” (I’m not sure which one) said: “Taking responsibility is a lot of responsibility.” If you automatically let others choose the restaurant, movie, or other activity, you are either very easy-going and good-natured or you don’t want to be held accountable for making the wrong choice. 8. Do you state strong opinions in the course of a conversation? Those who avoid doing so might want to keep the peace — often a very good thing — but some of them fear drawing fire and unwanted attention to themselves, putting themselves in the uncomfortable position of having to defend their statements. Before I give you eight more signs of insecurity, I’ll say a few things about what causes that condition. Many things can contribute. Critical or neglectful parents, poor academic skills, frequent moves that make you “the new kid” (especially if you are introverted by nature), learning disabilities and ADHD, being “different” in some fashion (size, shape, color, religion), thinking that you are the “poor” kid in a community of the affluent, sensing that you are the average child in a school filled with very bright youngsters, feeling ashamed of your parents or your residence, frequent rejections, getting fired or laid off (whether deserved or not), clumsiness, a history of abuse or bullying; physical unattractiveness, deformity, or injury; and so forth.
Posted on: Mon, 30 Sep 2013 21:01:22 +0000
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