When I was getting ready for my first surgery, the last thing on my mind was the disfigurement. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be here for my daughter and husband. I was married 1 month when diagnosed. My daughter was eerily my age when my mother started her cancer journey - and I was my mothers age. There have been many differences in our paths to battle the beast. I never saw my mothers scars until she was in the hospital and sick of the nurses bathing her. She asked me to do it, and for the first time I understood a sliver of her shame in what had become of her once beautiful body by societies standards. She always had beautiful legs - they were very uncharacteristic of stereotypical asian legs, and luckily, she passed that along to me (and loved telling me that!!!) I remember telling her that she was beautiful. Everything about her was. Her scars were amazing. Her concave space where there once was a breast was fascinating, and at one time she had considered reconstruction, but after a while... enough is enough. I wish I had photos of her like this. But I can look at these brave women, and think, she is in all of them. And me. Im glad I went through reconstruction immediately (well, it was a horrible year process, but still worth it). I cant say its undetectable or perfect or like it was, but Im forever grateful to my doctors for making me their special art project. Its true. My reconstructive surgeon was a trumpet player through college. He checked my career out. He saw how much I am seen in the public - stages, tv, whatever. But under it all, I am scarred, inside and out. Even though it all looks pretty damned amazing in clothes, if I do say so myself. Most of all, I want to fight the urge to feel less than I once was. We can all apply that to our lives, regardless of our scars, our imperfections, our emotional wounds. Today is a brand new day, and tomorrow will be, too! Be grateful for all that you have, and if you keep doing your best - your best will get better. ps. F*ck you, Stupid Cancer!!!
Posted on: Sun, 08 Jun 2014 13:56:04 +0000
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