When the going gets tough, the tough get going. That saying epitomizes the human reaction to stress: fight or flight. But which one of these two responses is it referring to? I always took it to mean the fight reaction. The last four years since we opened Revive in November 2010, Ive been fighting to realize my dream of nutrition access. Trying to find that winning combination of healthy food married with delicious flavors to please your palate and your cells. I started with juicing, then making raw food, then combining raw sauces with cooked healthy food. My brother writes a blog Journey of a Wave. My journey towards health has been a wave. Sometimes Ive crashed into problems that took the roar out of me and I sank into the sand, spent and exhausted. The ocean called my name and Id muster my energy and get inexorably pulled back until I gained momentum. Id rise with excitement and shout the message from T.V., in front of rooms full of people, at our dinner show, my blogs and finally through my book before the crescendo peaked and crashed again into a lonely calm. Last year the dinner show saved our restaurant but when the economy got worse and business fell again this spring I scrambled to get going again. This time I wrote a book to save the restaurant. We spent all our savings and even the money that wasnt ours. This month we couldnt pay the rent or the utilities. I thought September would renew support from the local residents because the kids were back in school but to my horror, tourism declined and locals didnt come in. In a conversation with my husband, I realized the emotional impact the continual stress of paying the bills was having on him. Getting hit by a truck has left him aware of the uncertainty and danger in life. Unlike being in a car accident, having a vehicle hit you and throw you 20 feet in the air makes you realize the fragility of life. With every wince that comes from moving his arm, that day and the ensuing effects remind him that life will never be the same. I had to make a decision between my passion for nutrition access and my passion for the love of my life and the father of my children. I chose him. I told him Id get a job that earned money instead of just spending everything hed earned. I had no plan for how to make the business profitable with no consistent customer base. I opened the computer and started looking at craigslist for work I could do. Would I go back to business management, marketing, customer service, writing, interpreting or would I still do something cooking related? I earned 20 dollars an hour when I was 25. Id always had a good job and we had a successful printing business before my food nutrition obsession kicked in. I couldnt falsely support my dream with our reserves because there was none left. I was stunned by the relief that came with giving up. I accepted that I couldnt change the world in our spot of Fresno and instead of feeling like a failure, I felt I had chosen love-- just in a different way. We went for a walk on the beach and I cried as he tried to talk about it. I told him we were just going to do what was right for us rather than what was right for everyone. Self concern has a time and place and it was now. He shocked me by saying, lets give it until the end of October. We had paid the equivalent of two months rent for a security deposit and last months. I shared the situation with our staunch crew at Organic Fresno. I prepared an exit plan for November and I left it in Jehovahs hands. I thought I always had but because we had some money left, ultimately I had chosen to continue spending it on the restaurant instead of property taxes etc. Now that choice was removed. The landlord called and I explained the plan. He didnt seem amenable so I said wed move by the end of September. My exit plan was to relocate to the Farm and work one acre as permaculture. Use the ingredients to prepare juices and sell them to people in offices with a weekly delivery route. The landlord said hed secure the rent through an asset of ours that would be returned when the rent was repaid by the end of December. I honestly was hoping hed make the decision for me so I wouldnt be the bad guy. That week was so slow I couldnt pay the $2100 pge bill from last month to stop our power being shut off. I paid them $1000 and told them $1100 would be paid today. Last thursday we did $300 in sales and we need to do $600 just to pay bills. I was hopeful though. Our neighbor, Amy Kitchener, ran a non profit and sent her associate Naya to book a dinner for 25 people on Friday evening and breakfast catering for Saturday. Two sisters who heard me speak at the #CCWC14 had come in. One for a birthday cake and the other about celebrating at our restaurant on Sunday. Locals were starting to support us! I spent Aris money from her dessert sales on groceries for the restaurant. I had faith Id earn it back by the end of the weekend despite the slow Thursday. The group on friday evening was lovely and kind. They were all advocates of Social Justice through Arts and a lovelier group of people couldnt be found. Only three other tables came in friday evening. It was a late night cleaning up after they left at 8:30. Dishes dont wash themselves and I insist that they be hand washed because the ancient dishwasher made the dishes looked rinsed but didnt scrub lipstick marks off. I started at 5 am after a rough night with the kids who were coughing from the unhealthy Fresno air. Mark made fresh pressed o.j. with his throbbing arm. Ari came in at 7 am to make the frittata bites while I marveled at how far Id advanced in making specialty waffles with the aroma of the zucchini lemon chia waffle drifting through the air. Sarai cracked eggs for the frittatas and Daniel made them breakfast. We delivered at 8:20 am. The folks had come hungry anticipating more delicious food after their experience last night. Instead of taking two frittata bites, they ate four and five. I called Ari to make more frittata bites and we delivered the rest at 9 am. Excited and prepped early I willed a crowd full of people into the restaurant but the transmission must have been blocked because only Kristi came in for breakfast to go. She reminded me that Mark and I still had to make juices for the restaurant. At 11:30 a.m.faithful customers from the mountains came in with their parents from NY. It was the slowest saturday we ever had. I started thinking seriously of how Id set the recreation room up as a teaching kitchen and the house as a farm store. Daniel said he had an idea. If people knew I started farming organically because of his love of grapes and my desire to protect him from the poison we sprayed, they would buy the book and he could become a farmer and chef. He didnt just want to be a farmer, he wanted to follow in Jamie Olivers footsteps and mine by becoming a chef too. We spent the afternoon working on what he would say for the video. That evening 10 people didnt show up for their reservations but the remaining 24 people were all locals. That was a first for us. Not a single tourist. I started to do the math in my head and the only money I had made was repaying Ari and restaurant groceries for the following week. I had Sunday left to earn $1100 for the PGE bill. The birthday party was booked for 2 pm and that gave me some hope. Morning brought no customers so we juiced and I took Daniel to the farm to shoot his video. We got back and I started prepping for class. There was a few tables but nothing to speak of. I didnt worry because the situation was out of my hands. The large group started drifting in and so did others. We had four tables come in and 28 for the party. Tourists were heading home and were so excited about stopping to eat on their way. A group of Indian tourists came in with 9 kids at 3 pm when we were supposed to close to prep for the class at 4 pm. The staff looked at me. I told the tourists they had to be gone by 4 because the only table large enough to accommodate them was set up for class. They agreed. Mark and I hastily set the table and he started serving the soup and salad while I made them the creamiest half baked ever to please the children well. Everyone left happy and the dishes were piled high in the kitchen. I taught my part of the class and a first time attendee brought me a jar of home made green olives and gave away five aprons to the attendees. I headed back to wash dishes with my babies. I still wanted to go to SB that night since I hadnt gone for three weeks. As we were finishing up at 6:30 pm, Kevin brought me the total $1117. Jehovah does answer prayers but he does it through people. I watched a TedX presentation about the tipping point. He scientifically explained how change is adopted and that we have to wait for enough people to tell others in their sphere of influence to make the tipping point. Early adopters are 3-5% of the population affecting another 8-10% when that 15% affects another 18% there is 33% but when that 33% tell their friends youre past the tipping point and then you are left with just the resisters of change. I had believed that the logic and science was present for people to embrace my healthy food, I just had to hang on long enough. This weekend I saw that sphere of influence in action. Locals choosing to dine with us, celebrate birthdays with us, come to our diner show, cooking classes and order catering from us. I got an email from someone who wanted to order lunch for six employees to be delivered friday at 11:45 a.m. Conscious dining choices made the difference. A handful of individuals choosing to support a mom and pop shop rather than the mindless choices of IHOP, Cheesecake Factory, Red Robin, Starbucks, Jamba Juice and the other chains. Kids drank Grape, watermelon and cucumber juice instead of soda. Kristi bought a total of 10 juices over two days. The carrot, cucumber, celery, arugula, sorrel and dandelion juice blend was designed with her diabetes in mind and she sensed the love in the creamy carrot taste with the green after notes. Im going to pay our PGE bill now and remind you that we are closed Tuesday and Wednesday so we can clean the restaurant from top to bottom and I can take care of my babies. Today is kids day. We get Maxim and the babies. They choose what they want to do, which usually consists of swimming in the ocean with their wetsuits. Spraying each other with their aquazookas and showering together in the marina restrooms. Library trips for more Sammy Keyes mysteries and playing with the blocks. Followed by an evening walk at the beach, organic ice cream from Lazy Acres and snuggle time. Tomorrow is laundry day and recovery day before gearing up for work on Thursday. My life has a rhythm like the ocean waves. I relax on our sailboat here and spend my energy caring for others at our Fresno restaurant. The rhythm has no beat until you join in, like a lonely hand trying to clap by itself. As I shake your hand or give you a hug when you come in, nature sings with joy of its bounty being celebrated. My countless hours of practice are featured on the plate where you will be nourished with food and love. In my news feed yesterday I saw two memes. One showed a picture of an all american breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and coffee with a gun, the other was an energy bowl from Denise the first customer to buy my book. She didnt just make that recipe, she made the rajmaa too. Does my lifes work matter? It only matters when others participate. I hope that we are at the tipping point. That point where the small 15% of the population who is our customer base influences their friends and family to adopt a new way of eating so we can grow to 33% and be sustainable. Dont let the wave suck you back into the processed food spiral, we hope grapes not candy will go viral. Thanks for daring to care. Thanks for caring enough to share. Thanks for helping us continue to make food fair. May you live in love and light. May you shine that on us with your presence and kind words. May you live our dreams in print form through our book Cook Grow Love. A customer at the dinner show last week, with tears in her eyes, told me that although she didnt know me, by reading my book she felt she did know me. I assured her she did. I opened my heart and mind to nourish your body and soul. I hope you pause long enough to buy it, read it, cook it and share it. Help my son become the farmer and chef he dreams of becoming. Allow our sphere of influence to continue for generations from our children to yours. We can direct our wave and invite you to ride it with us so dont crash and disappear -- but ride high in triumph.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 16:35:34 +0000
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