When the mind is in a state of dis-ease the body rebels and mine did a great job of it! Between the ages of 31 and 34 I had 3 cancer scares, 2 surgeries, a CT scan that showed a brain tumor (was later cleared as an anomaly) and developed numbness in 30% of the right side of my face. I began to feel depressed and what was a glass of wine with dinner turned into a bottle of wine or the equivalent of 5 nights a week by September 2012. I accompanied this with daily takeout meals until I abolished all of my weight loss and returned to size 12/14 pants. I completely removed myself from the world aside from work this included in the end being engaged in my children’s day to day lives. I still cooked, cleaned, went to games and all those things but not involved like I always had been. I gave up on myself, the only way I can describe it is that I became lost and on autopilot. I was angry to the point of rage at life in general and my family whom I love suffered the impact of my unhappiness. I have watched / worked with people experiencing similar feelings but I could not see it in myself. I know now that I was depressed but in the moment saw the world as a force against me that I was too insignificant to fight. Today it seems so clear; I spent so much time lying to myself that I attracted a flood of people that did not treat me with honesty; without realizing it I taught them that it was okay.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 02:37:31 +0000
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