When we make our wedding vows, we promise to take each other, for better or for worse, and that is how marriage is. At the heart of true peacemaking is acknowledgement that we are human beings made in God’s image and this puts us on paths that desire to live in the truth and not in pretence, even when that means a conflict may result. Yet, most of us are poor at resolving conflict. Whether you like it or not, conflict will, (not may) happen in marriage. When we make our vows, we promise to take each other for better or for worse. And that is how marriage is. There are times of better, when things are just flowing on well and you are feeling in love. But if you have been married long enough like me, you will realise that there are times when you will not agree virtually on anything, when things will be bad and you will be arguing with each other. But that does not mean that the marriage is over, that is more an opportunity than a threat to your marriage. It is an opportunity for you to enter into a deeper more meaningful relationship as you properly negotiate conflict. The easier temptation is to look at it as a threat and thus take off (divorce or separation) or resort to a false peace. Therefore, conflicts are not bad in themselves. It is our response to the conflicts that can be either helpful or harmful. Marital conflict can be the challenge to help us grow into more mature persons and a more mature relationship or it can destroy our marriages. And conflict can range from a minor disagreement over what to have for dinner tonight to the extreme of abuse. Why is it that we are poor at resolving conflict? There could be several reasons as to why. One could be just that we want to avoid conflict at all cost due to our wrong beliefs about peacemaking. The other could be that we don’t want to go the route of our parents who fought it out physically and left us scared to death because they lacked the training and equipping in this area, or it could be just the fear of confronting your spouse at the pretence of maintaining peace? So what are you missing? Is it a proper belief about peacemaking? Is it the courage to take the bull by its horns and confront your spouse where you feel wronged? Is it that you don’t know how to go about it in the right way? All these questions are important as the answers to them may help you become better at managing conflict, and thus improving your marriage relationship.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Mar 2014 04:12:51 +0000