When your baby is a newborn he or she thinks shes a part of you. As he or she grows and develops, he or shell start to work out that he or shes her own person, with his or her own body, thoughts and feelings. She or he will then, of course, want to do things his or her way. When will my baby develop a sense of individuality? Your babys sense of individuality takes years to develop. At first he or she thinks you and he or she are one and the same. A famous study shows exactly how clueless babies are about their own existence. Researchers placed several babies in front of a mirror to see whether they understood that the reflection was an image of themselves. They didnt. The children patted their mirror image, behaving as if they were seeing another baby. Then, at around six or seven months, your baby will start to realise that he or she is separate from you, and that you can leave him or her alone. This is when separation anxiety usually begins. It can last well into his or her second year. Your baby will gradually become more sociable and confident with others. And he or she will come to realise that you will come back for him or her when you leave him or her at nursery or with a babysitter. As he or she gains confidence he or she will start to forge his or her own identity. By the toddler years, your babys budding independence may actually become a problem. Wanting things his or her way is at the heart of many temper tantrums. How will my baby learn to cope with separation and independence? One to six months Until your baby is six months old, he or she can only think about his or her immediate needs: food, love and attention. In the first few months, your baby cant even think about tackling the process of forming his or her own identity. He or Shes too busy trying to gain control over his or her basic movements and reflexes. You may start to notice the first signs of budding independence when your baby is about four or five months. He or She will start to express him or herself through anger, discovering that he or she can cry to get your attention. This is one of the first steps in learning that he or she has an independent will, and that how he or she behaves can affect others, namely you. Seven to 12 months At around seven months your baby will realise she is independent of you. This is a huge cognitive leap worthy of celebration. Just be prepared for your baby getting a bit anxious at this new understanding of separateness. He or Shes become so attached to you that when you leave him or her alone, even for a minute, he or she will burst into tears. He or She doesnt yet know that you will always come back. Be assured its normal for your baby to feel this way. Its a sign that he or shes strongly attached to you. Sneaking out while his or her back is turned when you leave him or her at nursery wont help. In fact, it may just make him or her more afraid that you arent coming back. If you have to leave him or her to be cared for by someone else, give him or her something that he or she often sees you using or wearing, like a soft scarf. The chances are that it will also smell of you which will give him or her added comfort. You can help ease the transition by asking her carers to approach slowly and letting your baby make the first move. When it comes to say goodbye, as hard as it can be, say goodbye and go while he or shes watching. 12 to 24 Months Your babys making more progress in differentiating him or herself from you and from the world around him or her. When your baby is two, he or she may still get upset when you leave him or her at nursery or with a babysitter. But he or shell recover more quickly now because he or shes more secure. Experience, and him or her budding memory skills, have taught him or her that you will come back after being gone for a while. Youve built this trust by continually showing him or her that you love and care for him or her. Its that feeling of trust that gives him or her the confidence to assert him or herself. What signs of independence will you notice now? Your child may insist on wearing his or her purple pyjamas for the fifth night in a row, eating only certain foods, and climbing into his or her car seat by herself. 25 to 36 months Between the ages of two and three, your toddler will continue to struggle for independence. He or She will wander further away from you as he or she goes exploring. And he or shell continue to test his or her limits, by drawing on the walls, for example, even if you tell him or her not to. I can do it myself is probably one of the most common phrases parents hear from older toddlers. How can I encourage my babys independence? Your baby needs a secure attachment to you if he or she is to explore the world safely. This attachment to you is the base from which she can move away from, but return to, when he or she needs reassurance. Consistently give him or her love and support, and he or shell build the confidence he or she needs to strike out on his or her own. From day one, respond immediately to your babys cries. Feed him or her when he or shes hungry, change his or her nappy when its dirty, and smile and talk to him or her when he or shes alert. Playing games such as hide and seek and peekaboo can enhance his or her understanding of separation and return. Keep showing how his or her favourite teddy bear or doll still exists when its hidden under a blanket. This will help him or her to understand that daddy and mummy can disappear but also come back. You should also make sure that youve set up a safe environment for your baby at home. He or She needs to test his or her limits and explore his or her surroundings to develop independence and gain confidence. Instead of running around saying no every time he or she touches something that could harm him or her, keep dangerous objects out of his or her reach. Put plenty of safe objects and toys within his or her reach he or she can grab at. That way he or she wont get frustrated when he or she wanders, and he or shell be safe. Know, too, that just because your baby is starting to strike out on his or her own doesnt mean he or shell require less of your comfort and love. Your baby may grow less needy as he or she reaches toddlerhood, but she will still crave constant care from you. Encourage him or her any time he or she tries something on his or her own, but dont push him or her away when he or she runs back to you for reassurance. He or Shell want and need this for a long time to come. My baby is 11 months and seems very clingy. Should I be concerned? Separation anxiety is normal for babies between nine and 20 months. But do talk to your doctor or health visitor if: His or her anxiety becomes so overwhelming that he or she is unable to do anything without you by his or her side he or shes inconsolable when you leave him or her with a carer, even after youre long gone from her presence ☆Tiffany☆
Posted on: Mon, 03 Mar 2014 23:45:10 +0000
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