Why do opposites attract? Opposite charecters are not always attracted to each other. Couples with the same temperament do sometimes marry. If they are two unconcern and unemotional individuals, it could mean a very tranquil relationship but with many things undone. If they are malancholies, it would be very creative partnership, but a very emotional relationship with many ups and downs. In the majority of relationships, however the partners have different temperaments. The reason for this is that we are often attracted to people who exhibit strengths that we do not have. One may be attracted to the other because he is so full of self-confidence. A dull male may be attracted to a lively and full of fun female. Why so much conflict then? The problem arises after the honeymoon phase is over and we discover that our strengths are thier weaknesses. It is at this point that the couple has to make a crucial decision. Either they will focus more on each others strengths than ther weaknesses, or they will conncentrate on their weaknesses rather than on their strengths. If they focus on the weaknesses they will embark on a steady process of destruction. Each little criticism and each little fault pointed out will not lead to a change in the partners behaviour, but it will increase their feelings of inferiority and is sure to evoke a counter-attack. Just yesterday a couple who had been married for more than 9 years told me the sad story of how they had been destroying each other through the years, till there was virtually nothing left of their relationship. Their personalities, too, had suffered. He had become a hard cynic, she a nervous wreck. When our shortcomings are constantly pointed out, we usually respond in one of two ways. -we iether withdrwa into a shell of inferiority, or -we become highly critical of our partners, breaking them down in the process- a vicious cicle. No ones nature or charecter would make a good relationship or marriage partner. Each charecter has some wonderful strengths, and some glaring weaknesses. Living with an extreme bad-tempered who constantly dominates this mate could make a woman neurotic. Living with an extreme cheerful optimistic who is weak-willed and highly impulsive could drive a man round the bend. Living with an extreme unconcerned person who never takes any responsibility could well cause despair. An extreme sad person who lives entirely by her emotions could cause endless frustration. The answe does not lie in finding a partner with the right charecter, the answer lies in learning to cope with each others characters. Are we stuck with our weaknesses? The answe is a resounding no. Anyone can change dramatically -if you want to change -if you know what to change to -if you recieve encouragement in making the change Looking at Abraham, Moses and Apostle Paul is ample evidence that when we allow God to take control of our lives. He uses our strengths and He eliminates our weaknesses. Analysing and understanding your own charecter is therefore no excuse whatsoever to indulge your weaknesses. The only reason for taking a closer look at yourself is to do something about the weaknesses and to continue to build on the strengths. At this stage it would be a valuable experience for you and your partner to pick a time and place where youll sit face to face then ask one another questions like, what do you consider to be my strengths? what do I do particularly well? what do you particularly like about me? which charecteristic of mine causes friction and conflict in our relationship? in which areas would you like me to accept you more? In which way do I react inapropriately and in what way can I react differently? In which area can I give you more support? and what can I do to complement you? On what behaviour would you like me to give you feedback, How would you like me to give you that feedback? In all that dont attack the person, only describe the behaviour that causes conflict.Also dont defend yourself, its not important what your real motives were. The way your partner percieves your behaviour is the important issue. To cope with your patners charecter one needs to accept your partner as he/she is and try to change him/her, reinforcem as this is the way to give lots of praises and appreciations to build strenghts where needed. It is also importnat to complement your partner in an area where he/she may be weak, and give helpful feedback as this helps to cope with each others charecter. Last but not least, thanksgiving its a good step coping with your partners charecter. Thank God daily for your partner, whether he or she is here or afar. God knew what He was doing when He joined you two together and by thanksgiving ti Him we express oour faith and trust in Him in a very practical manner. When we begin to treat our partners differently, - they will strat to behave according to the way we treat them and -we will start to see them in a new light and behave towards them accordingly. We therefore have the choice of either launching our relationship into an upward cycle, building on each others strengths or launching our relationship into a downward spiral, breaking each other down. Use prayer as a tool for everything in your life-Thank God for your partner as he or she is Do you know me? Do you know yourself, who are you? Its a struggle to begin the journey of finding who you are and it is for this reason that one of the scripture tells us that all that God wants from us, is for us to be one and when you go to the letter of Ephisians Apostle Paul says, listen dont struggle too much... for if you want to know who you are Root yourself in Christ because Hes the One who holds things together. If your Unity is not founded in Christ then youre in trouble. Amen.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:39:57 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015