Within the past 13 Ive had an numerous amount of sleepless nights much similar to the one I just endured, simply lying here asking myself how I could have possibly been so selfish to continue to do the ignorant things Ive always done... Putting such a small amount of time in which I felt somewhat better (or so it seemed) before the thoughts and the feelings of those around me who truly loved me... Not realizing they simply wanted me to open my eyes, and come to grips with all the damage Ive caused both physically, mentally, and even emotionally.. Even after all these years of living my life in a haze and having nothing but negative outcomes that came as a result from it... It has taken me until now to finally realize the fact that I caused more pain and suffering to those who really loved me then Ive ever inflicted upon myself and all for what? A feeling that would simply fade in a matter of moments and leave me begging and stealing and doing whatever it took by any means necessary to make a way to get more... The life Ive lived I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy and Ive brought it all entirely on myself.... I just feel as though God has put it on my heart to ask each and every person who has taken the time to really read this and have been affected by my past in any type of negative manner to please try and find it in their heart to forgive me for the damage Ive caused to you as a friend or even worse as a member of my family... Theres no excuse for the things Ive done and my actions in the future as well as the recent past will prove my sincerity... After all of this time Ive realized that talk is cheap and if I cant wake up everyday and prove to not only myself, but to my daughter and to those who truly love me that Im man enough to stay sober for just one more day. Then the way see it, I dont deserve to call myself a man anyway....
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 12:39:45 +0000
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