Wow!!! As I was going thru some of my things Ive had packed away I found this card from my mom!!! I sit here in tears with multiple emotions... From anger to fear to being thankful!! Anger that shes gone, fear of not knowing the actual how to thank god she knew how much I loved her & was proud of me!! Just I wish I knew when this was from. Her last few years on this earth were so pitiful being so sick for so long... From chemo to being on life support so many times. I struggle daily wanting her back but knowing where she is she is no longer in pain. Mentally physically or emotionally; her body has now been restored. And shes up there with my Papa torturing everyone :) Im also torn as to let things be or begin what will be a very painful search for answers. Then I think to myself what does it really change. I know this is stupid but there has been times I think if I do this or say that; shell come back. I find myself so very often thinking or even saying to others oh I gotta call mama cant wait to tell my mom and then sad reality sets in that shes gone. Its permanent as is the pain. Time does not heal all wounds bc we are approaching the yyear anniversary & it feels like yesterday. She wouldve been proud of me tho, that I inherited her lead foot skills & got from bluegrass to upper station in 6 minutes.... Shirtless might I add!! I was changing when I got the call & all I had on was a pair of sweats & a sports bra!! That was 1 time I was thankful my truck shouldve been in a febreeze commercial & had everything but the kitchen sink in it to throw a shirt on pulling in that driveway, that seemed 10 miles long. I will ALWAYS live with the regret and guilt of not leaving sooner, but Ive begun to tell myself that it mayve been best bc I couldve actually witnessed the act itself by whoever a hands!! From time to time I wondered if I made her proud & this card just told me everything. Glad I got a chuckle out of it. The much grassy ass! That was so her!! That & reusing cards. Some years ago I bought the wrong card either it was a bday card for Halloween or something & from there she would take ppls vday cards and mark their name out and write her own. And god love him, not sure if he knows this our not but he gave my daddy THE SAME CARD for probably 10 years straight! I bought her a card for their 25th or 30th anniversary and made her give the new one time. She just gave me that mean ole giggle & said hed néver know haha! The holidays are just around the corner in which I dread like no other, but decided this year I will not let it get me down. I have 2 boys that deserve the best and by golly thats what theyll get!! Sorry for my novel! This jut meant so much to me and I wanted to share it!! Hold your loved ones tight; u never what tomorrow will bring! Something I always said... REMEMBER NO ONE ❤s you AS MUCH as I do And I NO ONE as MUCH as I YOU!!! #MissHer #LoveHer #BigEn #TheGrunge #BabyGirl #OleBurtMatch #Gangy #Gammys #BigBackMountain #BestFriend #MeanOleBooger #LovedHerBoys #FinancialInstitutionalized #SpoiledMe #AMAZING #WishICouldCussHer #MissOurFights #TextingWars #LoveYouMeanIt #UToTheMoon&MaybeBack #Strength #DadSpoiledHerBigTime #Peeeeewlaaaa #WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 05:56:53 +0000
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