Yes, I am on vacation having a beautiful time,yet still friends,family& loved ones still suffer that I care about very much.I have received so much inspiration from friends over the network that I never thought was possible so although I am reluctant to do this,maybe my experience might reach someone else who has felt the same at some point... When I was a child, I used denial to protect myself and my family.I protected myself from seeing things too painful to see and feelings to overwhelming to feel.Denial got me safely through many traumatic situations, when I had no other resources for survival. The negative aspect of using denial was that I lost touch with my feelings.I became able to participate in harmful situations without even knowing I was hurting.I was able to tolerate a great deal of pain and abuse without the foggiest notion it was abnormal.I learned to participate in my own abuse. Denial protected me from pain,but also rendered me blind from my feelings,my needs and myself.It was like a thick blanket that covered me and smothered me. Eventually,I began to recover.I had a glimpse of awareness about my pain, my feelings, my behaviors.There was so much denial from my past that had the blanket been entirely ripped from me, I would have died from shock of exposure.I needed to embrace insights, remembrances,awareness,and healing gently, gradually. Life participated in this process with me.It is a gentle teacher.I was brought to the incidents and people I needed in order to remind me of what I was still denying, to tell me where I required more healing from my past,as I could handle these insights. I still use, and break through denial:as needed.When the winds of change blow through,upsetting a familiar structure and preparing me for the new,I pick up my blanket and hide,for a while.Sometimes, when someone I love has a problem,I hide under the blanket momentarily.Memories emerge of things denied,memories that need to be remembered, felt and accepted so I can continue to become healed-strong & healthy
Posted on: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 02:50:06 +0000