ZEN TEACHINGS v Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. v No one is listening until you fart. v Always remember youre unique. Just like everyone else. v Never test the depth of the water with both feet. v If you think nobody cares whether youre alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. v Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes. v If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you. v Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. v If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it. v If you tell the truth, you dont have to remember anything. v Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree. v Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment. v A closed mouth gathers no foot. v There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works. v Generally speaking, you arent learning much when your lips are moving. v Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it. v We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep getting worse. v Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. v Things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you are stupid and you make bad decisions.
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 04:16:54 +0000
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