enjoy what you have while you have it. i remember most of the events and ages of my life. what i remember about them from the perspective of having already lived through most of the ages of my life my teens my twenties my thirties my forties… my marriage… my college…. my military service ... my [fill in the blank ] what i remember about those times in my life the most today? i remember believing that, for a variety of reasons that do not merit listing here, i felt somewhere in my self that THAT MOMENT right then? was somehow merely preparation for the BIG MOMENT WHEN MY LIFE WOULD FINALLY BEGIN… laying in my dads mom and dads back bedroom, listening to the sounds of laughter and talking of the whole huge family in the other room… laying there with those two little girls and laughing and telling stories about our crushes and our dreams of our lives when we finally got old enough to have a life? i felt like i was just killing time at my parents stupid family thing… sure it was great being worshipped by my younger cousins ;) gail and miss melissa were like the little sisters i always wanted but never got to have :) plus, during family reunions with either side of my family tree i began to realize if i wanted to marry id need to leave the east coast as i wanted my family tree to fork and it appeared i was related to the better part of the east coast!!!! ...and oh my goodness! but my southern relatives could COOK!!!!!! oh my lord! but you havent lived until youve had mamaws biscuits and her spice cake? MMMMMmmmmmm!!!! but, i mean really? a city teen stuck in the smoky mountains? not all of those roads were even paved!!!! soooo…. NOT !!!! and no decent SHOPPING! in the whole freakin state!!!! [or so i thought at the time…] i guess i thought that when i finally got old enough to have a life of my own that the people in it and myself, too, would be MORE or somehow BETTER … because they would be work related vs family? because it would be ME and MINE vs my moms or my dads? honestly? im really not sure why i thought or felt those things. i didnt realize that they were all MINE and that WORK ???? in the end? just aint all that. for all that i believed i would do with my life in my career? i never dreamed id go into intractable chronic mis diagnosed ever worsening pain at 27 years old only to arrive at my 50s alone and broken up with pain and disability w/o benefit of pay or disability or family or support, etc… nah, my little cousins werent the ones who gave me THE BEST memories of my life. it turns out that those were SOME OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE in spite of all my plans hopes and dreams of somehow better somehow more than… the warm comforts of home and the nostalgia of family ties. i had no idea all of those i helped to build their very profitable businesses would use me for all they could get and then throw me away taking every good thing they could legally escape with, regardless of how that left me alone and destitute. i had no idea that i would attract and be attracted to only those who would eventually betray me and leave me for dead. enjoy what you have while you have it. or dont. when you finally realize these timeless truths about life? you dont get any more or better words to share your newfound understand with. you still just have the same old words youve always had and heard and although they now mean something different to you? they still just mean the same old shit to everybody else :)
Posted on: Sat, 22 Nov 2014 20:25:15 +0000
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