hello, i am 19 years old guy, i am so tired, i cannot take it anymore, my parents wont stop fighting, and they wont just get divorcement, i sick of clearing up their fights, i am sick of hearing my dad calling my mom with the worst names ever, i am sick of worrying when i am out that something would happen at home and i am not there to clear thing up, i am sick of seeing my mom sad all the time and unleashing her anger on me, i am sick of seeing my dad depressed 24/7 and unleashing the odds of his failure on us, i am sick of not being able to focus on my studies and btw am an engineer, i am sick of carrying the burden of my younger brother and sister, i am sick of my relatives telling me that i must carry the burden for my whole life and they are doing nothing to help. My father, wants to kick us out of the house to sell it, and if i choose to live with my mom i wont receive a penny from him, yes he really hates us and my birthday was a couple of weeks ago and he didnt bother to say happy birthday. I want to leave the house, but where would i go, i cant find a job that would cover my education and life and rent expenses. I want to open up to someone and speak my pain but i just cant, i cant handle the guilt of making someone sad, i had that one person that would ease it on me but she is gone and i hope that she is happy for where she is. I am depressed, i cant even say i want to a child again cuz i have no good memory of back then, i wanna talk, i wanna smile, i wanna feel human i so numb! i ve lost the feeling and the taste and the scent of life that if someone left i dont feel anything, i dont even know either i love my friends that i knew for years and always with them, i just want them to be happy, i dont want anyone to experience what i am going through, i want everyone to be happy, i think that i am not mend to be happy ever and i am existing to please everyone even if it was affecting my own benefit. i need, i dont know what i need, or maybe i need death but it wont differ cuz i am already dead inside along time ago. I feel that there is a stone over my chest that is making it hard to breath.
Posted on: Sun, 18 Jan 2015 19:55:00 +0000
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