i dont know weather to give in, give up, try harder, fight, run, love, hate, go for it, not give a crap, be compassionate, be grateful, be hurt, be vengeful, or walk away, or love more. i just dont know. all i know is i hurt on many levels and feel like i have been used, abused, lied about, lied to, abandoned, left for dead, and my original only feeling was to care about good people and help them as much as humanly possible. a lot of people in this world have beat me down emotionally physically financially and medically. i can keep taking it and fighting and survive. i just dont care too much now a days. for the many people who have helped me in my life i am very grateful. i am not saying i am giving up. not by any means. i dont know how to give up. what i am pondering is if to stay here or try a different state. i have spent most my life in california. everywhere else is probably more brutal is what i am thinking and that makes me feel like a cheese puff if its true. if i felt i had something to fight for id stay and fight. lately all i ever get is ignored and rejected. this isnt me having a pity party, i have already been doing that for this whole year and even i am tired of it, so i can imagine everyone else is as well. i want to fight hardcore but what is there to fight for. ive pretty much been given up on.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 07:16:17 +0000
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