just when i thought i could not be even more enraged!!!! So, some folks who reacted (and u know who u r) with envy, jealousy, and disdain that I was going on a trip in which they felt I did not deserve. Well, my flight was cancelled b/c of mechanical errors in jet....no one NOTIFIED ME!!! whereas, others got on dif airlines to still get to go...I got left in the cold. Went to move my car that morning n it almost caught on fire....it now stinks something fierce in my car....wait it does not stop there. Here I was so jazzed to complete something of a heart desire going back several years.....So, I will get reimbursed (but it will take super long) so I get to at least have that. Then, just moments ago! My father tells me about the closest entity to me in my life (that I had to give up a couple years ago, to stay with my dad, and barely get to see him) of over 12 YEARS!!! The promise I made to return n pick him up....Well, I find that his health is so dire, that to help save his life.....I will need that money from that ticket (n even then still no gaurantee) Im so upset. spiders in my dream again, woke up swinging like I did at Corrinas house several years ago, except this time way more real (it may have been to) did not sleep, Im almost terrified to see what the Cosmos may throw else at me (yesterday had a headache that was so intense the closest thing to do justice would be to say it was in a vice) for the idea of losing Jaimie is something Im not vibing with in the least. Im so sad, angry, frustrated, n other things about this whole mess...while humbly recognizing that this botch with trip, may have been to be able to help him with medical bills. While, that idea, makes me want to smile. I struggle.....I miss him so much. n now he may have cancer like my ol man (what a shock, like energy) Im feeling a little over whelmed with emotions. This is not how I thought my spring break would start to shape up.....Not to mention, other things brewing inside. The worst part is.....evyerbody tries to pass the buck to tell wit this shit....which is lame, once I just wasnt told with a family member period. Im so sick right now. I physically want to pick a fight with somebody!!! and smash their face in, which goes against everything I stand for n am....which makes me even more upset...n then someone else is ignoring me in which we were suppose to talk n i feel that circle is spinning again. Im tired. So, tired. havent been sleeping, I go to put my big boy pants on, step up game n get active do what is necessary (baby steps) n more stuff gets heeped. n right now...this is speaking to others with the idea of well, i suddenly feel better about my life which makes me want to throw up more so!!! Im tired of this realm n all the games. I did not want to give him up, n now when I am getting close to have him with me again....this shit goes down. seriously, cosmos.....pick on somebody else with...fortunes. Im still working it out witht he spiders. I know they signify fortune n luck......but when i watch a masswive spider crawl under my bed...n i cannot locate it...makes me feel like im losing it. btw....school is reaching a boiling point. i feel like the frequency level of me n S.D. is taking toll. i tehn find out that those classes, with Dr. Stones papers...may have to do something even more sucky....so yah. christian scriptures, more than i can handle. Im not saying im a coward, n cannot take the heat in kitchen....but having clarity along with this madness...would really help universe. So, yah! ive cried so much the screen is now to blurry to focus. i need to breathe, later
Posted on: Sat, 08 Mar 2014 01:13:45 +0000
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